Sunday, May 22
cracking under pressure.
i had a hard journey recently , almost like as if i was walking on glass . trying a new course of route only to realize i'm not gonna want that for myself , lost my ic and atm cards thn learning how to get the replacements , holding on and letting go of kinship , scrimping and syringing only to hope i could withstand till the end of the month .
well , alot alot alot ALOT of things happened . i'm too lazy to explain . my mother's now waiting for her hubby to give her money enough for her to save up alot alot , but my father says he's waiting for her to die .. which is quite true because when she dies , this house would be his , none of my business and maybe , none of my sis's business too . she backstabs me in front of my father , she gives me money trying to act like a good hearted .. and when she's unhappy with me , she relies on her husband as a back up , and go all the way to drop me .
my superior made me feel like she's gonna teach me , but it was just an illusion . she only reveals when it's of advantage to her , just like any other typical money-maker . that one bit was sufficient enough to make me retreat in this bond which we met for only 3 times , hanging only on the strands of investment . i thought it was gonna really be something big , really sincere and fruitful , but i was wrong . it was all just an illusion .
and it's been more than a month since my used-to-be-gf-cum-sister-cum-bff talked to me . after all that "talk to me when you're single" and "my bf dusn like you that much either" , flushhh .. everything's down the toilet bowl and .. no more .
money isn't a good thing . i'd rather live in those days which i wasn't independent , wasn't knowledgeable , wasn't able to protect myself , and just within their reach . guess that's what they mean by ignorance is bliss .
i had a hard journey recently , almost like as if i was walking on glass . trying a new course of route only to realize i'm not gonna want that for myself , lost my ic and atm cards thn learning how to get the replacements , holding on and letting go of kinship , scrimping and syringing only to hope i could withstand till the end of the month .
well , alot alot alot ALOT of things happened . i'm too lazy to explain . my mother's now waiting for her hubby to give her money enough for her to save up alot alot , but my father says he's waiting for her to die .. which is quite true because when she dies , this house would be his , none of my business and maybe , none of my sis's business too . she backstabs me in front of my father , she gives me money trying to act like a good hearted .. and when she's unhappy with me , she relies on her husband as a back up , and go all the way to drop me .
my superior made me feel like she's gonna teach me , but it was just an illusion . she only reveals when it's of advantage to her , just like any other typical money-maker . that one bit was sufficient enough to make me retreat in this bond which we met for only 3 times , hanging only on the strands of investment . i thought it was gonna really be something big , really sincere and fruitful , but i was wrong . it was all just an illusion .
and it's been more than a month since my used-to-be-gf-cum-sister-cum-bff talked to me . after all that "talk to me when you're single" and "my bf dusn like you that much either" , flushhh .. everything's down the toilet bowl and .. no more .
money isn't a good thing . i'd rather live in those days which i wasn't independent , wasn't knowledgeable , wasn't able to protect myself , and just within their reach . guess that's what they mean by ignorance is bliss .
i love you like i always do.9:49 PM.
Saturday, May 7
lols .. look at what century it is . different people have different perspective . do what you deem fit .
i love you like i always do.7:02 PM.
Thursday, May 5
who are you to ask ?
i love you like i always do.2:42 PM.
yes , yes . not a crime i'd see .
i love you like i always do.2:42 PM.
lols ..
i love you like i always do.1:03 AM.
best player on a losing team . i wanna learn .
i love you like i always do.1:03 AM.
Tuesday, May 3
the idea of perfect selfishness
the very typical love we all yearn
unconditional and irrational
“… So I made up my mind I was going to find someone who would love me unconditionally three hundred and sixty-five days a year. I was still in elementary school at that time — fifth or sixth grade — but I made up my mind once and for all.”
“Wow,” I said. “And did your search pay off?”
“That’s the hard part,” said Midori. She watched the rising smoke for a while, thinking. “I guess I’ve been waiting so long I’m looking for perfection. That makes it tough.“
“Waiting for the perfect love?”
“No, even I know better than that. I’m looking for selfishness. Perfect selfishness. Like, say I tell you I want to eat strawberry shortcake. And you stop everything you’re doing and run out and buy it for me. And you come back out of breath and get down on your knees and hold this strawberry shortcake out to me. And I say I don’t want it anymore and throw it out the window. That’s what I’m looking for.”
“I’m not sure that has anything to do with love,” I said with some amazement.
“It does,” she said. “You just don’t know it. There are times in a girl’s life when things like that are incredibly important.”
“Things like throwing strawberry shortcake out the window?”
“Exactly. And when I do it, I want the man to apologize to me. ‘Now I see, Midori. What a fool I’ve been! I should have known that you would lose your desire for strawberry shortcake. I have all the intelligence and sensitivity of a piece of donkey shit. To make it up to you, I’ll go out and buy you something else. What would you like? Chocolate mousse? Cheesecake?’”
“So then what”
“So then I’d give him all the love he deserves for what he’s done.”
“Sounds crazy to me.”
“Well, to me, that’s what love is. Not that anyone can understand me, though.” Midori gave her head a little shake against my shoulder. “For a certain kind of person, love begins from something tiny or silly. From something like that or it doesn’t begin at all.“
- Norwegian Wood , by Haruki Murakami .
the very typical love we all yearn
unconditional and irrational
“… So I made up my mind I was going to find someone who would love me unconditionally three hundred and sixty-five days a year. I was still in elementary school at that time — fifth or sixth grade — but I made up my mind once and for all.”
“Wow,” I said. “And did your search pay off?”
“That’s the hard part,” said Midori. She watched the rising smoke for a while, thinking. “I guess I’ve been waiting so long I’m looking for perfection. That makes it tough.“
“Waiting for the perfect love?”
“No, even I know better than that. I’m looking for selfishness. Perfect selfishness. Like, say I tell you I want to eat strawberry shortcake. And you stop everything you’re doing and run out and buy it for me. And you come back out of breath and get down on your knees and hold this strawberry shortcake out to me. And I say I don’t want it anymore and throw it out the window. That’s what I’m looking for.”
“I’m not sure that has anything to do with love,” I said with some amazement.
“It does,” she said. “You just don’t know it. There are times in a girl’s life when things like that are incredibly important.”
“Things like throwing strawberry shortcake out the window?”
“Exactly. And when I do it, I want the man to apologize to me. ‘Now I see, Midori. What a fool I’ve been! I should have known that you would lose your desire for strawberry shortcake. I have all the intelligence and sensitivity of a piece of donkey shit. To make it up to you, I’ll go out and buy you something else. What would you like? Chocolate mousse? Cheesecake?’”
“So then what”
“So then I’d give him all the love he deserves for what he’s done.”
“Sounds crazy to me.”
“Well, to me, that’s what love is. Not that anyone can understand me, though.” Midori gave her head a little shake against my shoulder. “For a certain kind of person, love begins from something tiny or silly. From something like that or it doesn’t begin at all.“
- Norwegian Wood , by Haruki Murakami .
i love you like i always do.12:56 PM.
Monday, May 2
i wanna be myself and not anybody else , i have my reasons and ways of doing things , i don't need someone who don't understand me to judge or accuse me of things i didn't intend at all .
i love you like i always do.5:52 PM.
