我们都爱过，伤过

i havn been updating my blog very promptly i guess . that's cuz i've been doing almost the same sickening thing everyday .

- go for interviews in the day
- slack at night

i go home late , and i wake up early . this is the kinda thing i do to avoid giving myself too much space to think about someone i shouldn't . the only thing i admit wrong would be having lunch with jerry . i'll admit it a thousand times if i have to . but nothing more than that . no matter how much i wish i could be with you , i wont because i can't . nothing's gonna turn out nice . if you could , please text me that text i needed - a text of all my bad .

well well well .. I'M CRAVINGG ! yet i doubt my mum's gonna cook for me .. :( and yes , I'M OFFICIALLY BROKE , psychologically and physically .. but i can't sit at home the whole day and wait for time to pass .. sheeshhh .. i wanna go my gf's jia sleep sia .. i wanna meet carol !! so many things i wanna talk to her about , so miss listening to her talk .. but have to wait till after 21 march ? gawd .. i wish i was working already .. how am i gonna survive at this rate ? i'll be dead by my mum's nagging real soon ? cuz just on the other day , she maligned me saying i didn't go for any interviews . tsk . hate it when she accuses me .

i wanna eat fishball , friendly fries , subway , sambal fried rice , campbell mushroom soup .. AND I NEED TO GET NEW MAKE UP REMOVERRR ! arghh .. i look like a ghost now .. forget to buy lah ! hais .. 

erm .. my brain's not working .. probably cuz of sleep deprivation .. so im gonna go slp now . tata ~







you know .. actually .. your impression's not accurate .. but .. nvm ..

you're someone i love but couldn't be with .

you probably don't even miss me .

I HAD THE WORST INTERVIEW OF MY LIFE ! GAWDD !


i was late for 30mins (they were informed) , but my agent nagged me . tsk ! i cabbed down to serangoon north from choa chu kang , $15.80 . i spent 15mins filling up their application form , and 45mins waiting just cuz someone else came in .. she was on time i guess .. =\

suay sai lahs ! angry die me ttm ! arghhhh .. dowan to talk about it liaos .. gahhhh !

you called up yesterday , out of the blue . and i answered frantically , because my phone hasn't be quiet for the past 5minutes . you talked very jovially , telling me about the packet of snack we once bought together . you told me about the lil girls your friends are introducing you to , and my whereabouts . you asked why do i meet zhiying , and not you , that you want waffles .. and you said .. i probably don't even miss you because if i would , i'd look you up ..

i want to look you up .. but there's a part of me that tells me i shouldn't . i want to be with you like all times .. but there's a part of me that is afraid of you and us .

and now , i'm just still trying to get over you . it's not fair to be with someone else when you havn't let go .. even if the world is never fair , things which i can help being fair , i would .



i miss you ..

to me , love is pretty much like the most wanted thing you wanna do , put in line with how you're gonna do it .

you see , if you really love someone , you would think about him/her almost all the time . you'd wanna see that person , you'd wanna talk to the person , you'd wanna be around the person all the time . you'd be able to give them everything you have , and even if you don't have it , you'd get it done .. as long as it's nothing against your morals .. you'd do anything for him/her just to make him/her happy .. because by doing that , you'll feel the same way too !

on the other hand , you have to ask yourself what do you want out of this love that you're putting so much effort into .

do you want to just live on like this .. you , at your parent's house and him/her at his/her parent's house ? or would you want to live together , be the man and get a better place for your parents to move into , an achievement that they could always remember , or just let them say it's okay ?

ultimately , it's how much you are willing to grow up for them i guess .. and that's definitely not within your comfort zone . what about yours ? :)

[[ask me something]]

God will always love you .

this is who i've been been running away from for the past 6 years . i've strayed , crashed and fallen . yet each time when i was at my lowest , there's bound to be someone who would invite me to their church . i remember this phrase "God is our shepherd , and we're His sheep ." when we stray , we wander , we get lost , we cry .. but He'll always have His ways to find us . He will always forgive us .. because He loves us . you just have to acknowledge and accept .

we call Him our Father . and like a father , how would He ever give up or forsake His children ? God , is all about grace , love , forgiveness , patience .. and everything men have difficulties doing . so why then would He forgive us when we're so unworthy ? because a father never stops loving his children , never gives up on his children .. He never forsakes us .

i asked for his forgiveness today .. he was still full of pain , anger and hatred of my wrongdoings . i'm sorry .. for all that i've caused . im really sincere about my apology , and i really hope that you'd forgive me .. will you forgive me ? i hope you would ..

things i wanna thank God for today :
- successful job interviews
- friendly and not sarcastic interviewers
- friends to pull me through till i see light and repentance
- phone not dying even though i played songs lot
- safe trip out and back home
- realizing that i need forgiveness from someone who's just as hurt as me
- letting go of jealousy and anger
- the understanding of my mother
- hardworking job agents
- understanding people who were willing to lend me their ear
- a sister-in-Christ who's willingness to bring me to church this sunday
- a friend who's willing to lend me bible and cds

God loves everyone .

my dear dear diary , how've you been ?

it's been quite some time since i last felt happy . do you know why ? hmm ? hahas .. yea .. i've been falling outta love . i went round and round the bushes of decision , whether to patch or break , to love , or to not love .. and now , i'm like a kid sitting there in the middle of the grass with everyone looking at me from all directions .

i shouldn't call you anymore . i shouldn't text you or look at things you do anymore . i should avoid you . because  that is my only way of survival . good luck with the girls . whether or not they're my friends , i'd be sincere with the blessings , really . i will control what i say , what i do .. and stay away from you . it should be easy ..

went to watch no strings attached with yizhen yesterday . :)


we got checked at the entrance cuz it was a m18 show .. the show was rather cool cuz it was very open-minded about sex buddies , not like in singapore , if someone finds out that you have one , you're as good as dead . if you wanna noe what it's like , i guess you should catch it !

oh yea , the other show that links to this one in my mind .. is love and other drugs . 

this is a song i've recently been listening to . have you heard of it before ? :)



i arranged sessions of interview today , only to realize that i've got no mood for it today , and that the pay's WAY TOO LITTLE !! i've been getting about $1.2k (for admin) and $1.6k(for technician) . i guess ..... i wanna look elsewhere . i can have a breather too so .. why not eh ? :)



heard that ? it's not about the price tag . i'm not a money bitch . people who know me , knows me . yea ~

alright then ! thanks everyone ! for reading my blog , caring for me , texting with me and all the hangouts when i wasn't strong enough to be alone .. and that my mum wouldn't talk to me . gonna go have my steam egg now ! hehe ! muacks ! ^^

you'll never know how i feel .

the person , who chose to leave me , with a wrong judgment .

[[ask me something]]

a lesson learnt , or rather , a food for thought .

it's a kind of virtue if you know how to keep comments or critics to yourself , or better still , say it in an acceptable way . this is important .

people tend to get into alot of misunderstandings and arguments over the wrong choice of words , the wrong phrasing , or even the tone itself . but most of all , it's the intention and thought process .

yes , you can't please everyone at once , but you can definitely speak nicely right ?

nothing seems to matter anymore ..

it's been 99 days .

going to be the 15th saturday and it's already been 99 days . really a long road . it's very complicated right now , yet .. i just have too many things to bother about so .. if we can pull through this till our 188th day .

yes , so much of numbers in that little phrase yeh ? here's some fresh peeks !
- final paper today at 0830
- fyp company visit at buona vista today 11am onwards
- meet up with angry bird as soon as fyp ends
- meet up with bff.donald this saturday morning
- meet up with angry bird this saturday noon
- meet up with gf.carol this saturday night
- job and lodge hunting starting from this saturday
- up coming blog renovation scheduling-in-process
- meet up with gf.yizhen next monday
- kbox scheduling-in-process (next week)
- meet up with gf.sun scheduling-in-process (next weekday)

and i shall complete it all ! hahas ! :D

anyways , i just received the notes for tomorrow's paper . wednesday's paper was a screwed with only 1 a4 hardcopy cheatsheet when i could have brought 3 . blame it on my cu xin - ness (carelessness) . yea .. it's been a rough and stressful week , many things happened . bff was even hospitalized to do many many check-ups which confronts his fear . gawsh .. i just cnt stand it when someone so kind and homey could get tangled with these kinda problems . he dusn't deserve these .. shall update more about it tml or this saturday !

oh by the way , buddy.lawrence told me he saw me at cwp at 8pm today . then i was like .. "huh ?!" cuz i've been staying home since wad .. 3pm !!!!! how could you have seen me there ? lols . and it reminded me of the word doopleganger . read about it on http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doppelg%C3%A4nger bahs ! :)

i cleared my $100 debt with my angbao money . yes , it was a long overdued no-interest debt . it was well spent on clothes and cosmetics i guess , and a fair share of it on cab fares . anyway , MISSION ACCOMPLISHED ! breathe no more about this . :)

angry bird , ouh angry bird ~ i miss you so much already . cried so much with you this afternoon . really means something to me . sorry if i'm not good enough cuz of these stress .. i promise i'll try harder alright ? ♥


if you're bored , here's something about the competitiveness of games - http://blog.games.com/2011/02/15/angry-birds-cityville/

and a short clip ! enjoy ! :D





i miss my angry bird ~ ♥

it's exam week !

i'm done with 2 papers , and there's 2 more left ! if you're having papers too , God bless you ! ^^

- i've gotta postpone all dates and outings to next week 
- check up my notes and keep up with my revision
- remember to maintain my diet
- wake up as early as 7am and be on time for my papers
- live it through and get over you

it's a tough week with empty slots i gotta focus academically on , motivate myself and move on . it's not gonna be easy , but i guess it's about time i do it . nobody's gonna wait for me anymore , nobody's can tell me what's right no more . the heart over the mind , or the other way round , only you feel it and know it . so just deal with it like you own it .

it dusn't matter no more ..

hey .. love .. has passed us ..

but sometimes , even when our loved ones are already gone , we still love them .



i .. i won't pretend nothing ever happened .. because it did .. and i won't say it didn't change me , because it did ..

why does the sun go on shining
why does the sea rush to shore
don't they know
it's the end of the world
cuz you don't love me
anymore

nothing matters anymore .. i won't dream of anything anymore .. i shouldn't .. i mustn't .. you should move on .. you should .. we shouldn't be together .. we shouldn't ..

i don't know for how many nights i have to cry before i can think of us and smile .. it's so sour .. tonight .. if you did cry .. i'm sorry .. i had to do this .. because if i don't .. we'll never move on ..

只有在你走了，我才能走。。

我不可以再爱你了。。
你也不可以再爱我了。。
我们不应该在一起了。。
不可以了。。
不可以。。



i love you , but it dusn't matter anymore ..

闭上了眼睛记得你的笑容


i miss you badly .. 


wish i could have you beside me right now ..


告诉我，该怎么接受 ?

i miss so much about you ..

you writing on my wall ,
you singing for me ,
you waiting for my call and asking why i haven't called ,
you telling me you'd wait for me at the bridge ,
you calling me monster and saying you miss me ,
your hugs ,
your smiles ,
your long sweet text ,
your hand holding mine ,

i miss you , but would that ever change anything ?

that familiar shampoo scent intrigues it all .



i shouldn't even be thinking about you when i'm having my presentation , but you were all there was in my head . how you said you never want to hear from me again , and then minutes later asking if you could still contact me if you miss me .. are we really over ?

halfway through the presentation , i scented a very familiar scent . i was shocked . and for that split second , i was struggling to fight those thoughts , trying to lie to myself that i don't remember that scent , trying to tell myself i don't know that scent .. but i do .. i know .. i remember .. it was your shampoo scent ..

i sat there alone in the lab , listening to this song for so long , feeling so awful .. i asked my team mate what scent it was and he said it was something else .. it wasn't the same as yours .. but everything just kept ringing you in my mind .. why ?

i wonder if we can be friends .. or do you really wanna forget me ? that hurts ..


"who are you ?"
"i don't wish to remember you .."

tuesday morning you said you love me , you asked me to do whatever changes i want but you won't make any changes .. simply because you still love me . but that night , you broke up with me over a trivial matter , while we were both apart .

i dunno what to say anymore .. it's just plain unbearable ..

i love you like i always do ..

fuck fuck fuck fuck . dun ask dun ask lah . cannot ask thn dun talk la k ? happy ?

an ordinary monday with an extraordinary evening .

i was there , slacking in class . had lunch with my fellow girlfriends and as usual , it was fulfilling . i love them . hahas . women . oh yea ! my sis said something funny the other day . it goes something like this ..

me : "every WOMAN needs a MAN . it's even in the spelling , hor ?"
sis : "nah . only girls need man . woman don't ."
me : "so why don't you have one ?"
sis : "i'm as mature as a woman ."
-laugh-

HAHA ! SERIOUSLY ! she's only wad .. 15 ? lols ..

anyway , i had a very light hearted day at school . the facilitator was nice , the powerpoints were alright , my classmate shared videos about PETER CHAO ! omg ! talking about that dude , he's totally ~~~~



funny guy .

yes , my dearest made me smile ! hahas . he was all over my fb wall , spamming lil lil talks ! hahas ! super love it . makes me feel like the first few days of this rs ! weee ~ i felt the stickiness , and happiness , care and concern and everything ! hahas .. baby no emo ok ? you're my everything ! ♥


i love you like i always do ..

i just notice there's a yellow bubble on top of my head ! LOL !  

the other camwhore pics (of me) are too exagerating so i eliminated it . hahas . this one is just nice tho . not too far out from reality . and i realize the plus of taking pics from this angle . whoosh ~ maybe you all should try it !! :D


this kept spinning my head for the past few days ...
" 存好心，说好话，做好事！" - have a good heart , speak positive things , do good deeds !
this is what they call the 三好 (3 goods) ！hahas . it's new year , chinese or not , and for a change , maybe this could be useful for the your daily life ! hahas . smile always ! :D


i love you like i always do ♥

you're everything to me .

"you mean nothing to the world , but you mean the world to me ."

ever heard of this ? it's exactly how i feel . everything that you need , i'll give .. as long as it makes you happy . you've said a fair share of hurtful things , as compared to my share of irritation . things about me not worth your gift , things about me not knowing when to stop the chat .

i guess i've been trying too hard , causing these concern to become a nuisance . i'm sorry . i guess everyone , no matter what they say they're ok with in the beginning , they're not gonna be ok with it in the end .. if that's what they're just trying to compromise , or outta mere freshness . but .. do i know what it was ? i believed every word you said .

what was , still is .. cuz somehow , fate just has a way of making us learn about things . the way we started out , i really have feelings for you , even till now .. but you said you didn't have a girl for very long . now , it has become an obligation .. on top of all the fading . it feels wrong .. isn't it supposed to be the guy dotes on the girl , the girl is very caring towards the guy , and they're both deeply in love ? why do you feel irritated by my concern ?

love is about the other person , just like i'm about you .. and you should be about me ? lols .. never mind .. all i'm yearning for is just your love .. why are you even so stingy about it ? can you give me some ? show me some ? why do i have to dig for it ? you once told me that you can't feel my love , and i said that i really love you .. and i tried harder to show you despite my phobia .. now .... ?

i feel rather dumb . i can't feel your love . i let down my walls for you , but you build it up higher and higher cuz of me . no wait , it was for yourself . why ? why do you have to do this to me after what i've done for you ? why can't you stop thinking only about yourself and spare a thought for me ? is it my fault to always be at your beck and call ? i feel so dumb .. what can i do now ? when will you give me your all just like i did for you ? will you ever ? i don't know ..

i love you like i always do .. i just do .

soon , it'll be our 3rd mth . we're more like settled planktons now , settling by the seabed . there are so many things i have in mind but because of the old chinese new year rules , i'm not allowed to blurt sad stuff .

still , i'd like to give a big thank you to my boyfriend , who kept me company partially via text on the eve , sent me to the bus stop in the morning , and all the entertaining especially in the morning . heehees !

darling sarah and zhiying went overseas so ...... not gonna hear much from them till they come back i guess ? i wonder if carol's feeling better .. and isabel .. I WANNA SEE YOUR NAILS !

no emo-ness no emo-ness ..

i love you like i always do .

我很需要些安慰

the second last monday of lessons .


if you miss the train i'm on , you will know that i am gone . you will hear the whistle blow from far away ~ but you can call , and you can shout , write to me , or come along . you will hear the whistle blow , when i am gone .


hahahas . alittle something i finally completed after alot of stunning . actually , i don't like to use other people's melody or lyrics , cuz only makes me feel like i copy ppl . but oh well , what can i do ? this is the easiest way to let people know the melody if they can sing along the lyrics .


i just tidied my room , table , and a visible part of the cupboard . heehees ! it's the first time i ever tidied my own room eh ! abit of encouragement can ? hahahas .. have you done the tidying for new year ? :D


sarah darling treat me waffle today ! she makes me a happy girl ! she peii me snack , chat , walk together to causeway .. i'm so thankful God placed her in my life . and about donald , bff always eh ? hmms .. talking about God , i'm beginning to wonder if i should read the bible .. cuz back then when i do , i was much better a person , knowing better path of thoughts than now , whereby i have so much of a tendency to go negative . i miss my friends , carol , belinda , isabel , and many others .. please keep in touch alright ? i'm really thankful to have you guys around . 


baby darling , i came to know alot about what kinda person i am to you this afternoon . it was breathtaking , harsh .. but true . maybe sometime soon , we will come to an end , but right now , i just want you to know that i'm really trying to change , to give you all that i have .. i hope you do too .. we can't change the past , but we can protect our future .. right ? anyways .. i cried here and there .. especially when i heard Gary Cao's Grandpa just now .. wah .. cry die me sia .. if you know , i've never seen my grandpa nor granny .. the folks of my father .. if they were around .. if ..


i love you like i always do ..

ABBY.LANVIN

★ A.biographie ★
Been a ♑ since 1991
Singaporean aka Asian
Music┇arts┇fashion┇heels┇boney peeps┇tattoos┇keychains┇milktea

★ A.idolâtre ★

TAYLOR.MOMSEN┇JUSTIN.LONG
KELLY.CLARKSON┇JENNIFER.LOPEZ
BEYONCE┇SCARLET.JOHANSSON

and if you have stories to tell me, i'd be more than happy to listen.

=]

♥ A.souhaite ♥

ღBLACKBERRY , black and red
ღGuitar
ღCamera
ღElectronic Piano, YAMAHA
ღtri-color eye shadow , Face Shop

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photos: bexidaisy on DA
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inspiration & lyrics: TLG
moderation: Donald Kee