Monday, December 13
it's all my fault ..
i blasted today . totally disappointed at myself right now . i know tears can't help , but what else happens naturally when one is sad ? self-abuse ? =\
happy now ? his feeling fade le lor .. you happy ? i don't know how much more moronic can you be .. you're always on the verge of falling outta love ! why can't you be a little smarter ? why can't you be alittle more confident and make guys love your confidence ? why can't you be alittle more woman and leave the decision makings to the guys ? why can't you just stop worrying and stop being so stupid ? why can't you just fall sick and die ?
i don't know what else to scold myself about but this is how much i can type in a short time . i don't know anything anymore . i just feel so useless and disgusted by myself right now . how did this ever happen ?
i know you've made effort to make ends meet . i know you've tried to be more sensitive about commenting . i know you've tried to express how much you love me . i know you've tried caring for my family .. i know .. i know .. i really feel and see it all ..
i'm sorry .. i know .. and there were times i gave in , times i kept quiet when you were blasting , times i tried to be just a listener when you just wanted to complain it all , and times i tried other approaches when you told me it's all wrong .. times .. when you realized you were wrong and i just swept it all away ..
darling i love you .. i really do .. it hurts me so much when you tell me that it's faded , that you're not gonna be that serious , that you no longer know if i'm the one you're looking for .. i wanna fulfill with you the vows we've made , the promises we've said .. those were serious words aren't they ?
i finally understood why my tears irritates people so much . but then again , be it sick or sad , i always yearned for someone to just hug me tight and be really patient and caring to me .. thanks for leaving that fever patch on my forehead .. nobody's ever done that for me before .. i really appreciated it ..
can you just talk to me ? everything so vague right now .. like as if you'd leave me any moment from now .. like there's nothing more i could be sure of .. god .. why am i so stupid ? why can't i be alil more of what he wants ? why .. can we not be like this anymore ? can you love me as much as you did ?
arghhh .. i hate myself ..
i'm sorry ..
i blasted today . totally disappointed at myself right now . i know tears can't help , but what else happens naturally when one is sad ? self-abuse ? =\
happy now ? his feeling fade le lor .. you happy ? i don't know how much more moronic can you be .. you're always on the verge of falling outta love ! why can't you be a little smarter ? why can't you be alittle more confident and make guys love your confidence ? why can't you be alittle more woman and leave the decision makings to the guys ? why can't you just stop worrying and stop being so stupid ? why can't you just fall sick and die ?
i don't know what else to scold myself about but this is how much i can type in a short time . i don't know anything anymore . i just feel so useless and disgusted by myself right now . how did this ever happen ?
i know you've made effort to make ends meet . i know you've tried to be more sensitive about commenting . i know you've tried to express how much you love me . i know you've tried caring for my family .. i know .. i know .. i really feel and see it all ..
i'm sorry .. i know .. and there were times i gave in , times i kept quiet when you were blasting , times i tried to be just a listener when you just wanted to complain it all , and times i tried other approaches when you told me it's all wrong .. times .. when you realized you were wrong and i just swept it all away ..
darling i love you .. i really do .. it hurts me so much when you tell me that it's faded , that you're not gonna be that serious , that you no longer know if i'm the one you're looking for .. i wanna fulfill with you the vows we've made , the promises we've said .. those were serious words aren't they ?
i finally understood why my tears irritates people so much . but then again , be it sick or sad , i always yearned for someone to just hug me tight and be really patient and caring to me .. thanks for leaving that fever patch on my forehead .. nobody's ever done that for me before .. i really appreciated it ..
can you just talk to me ? everything so vague right now .. like as if you'd leave me any moment from now .. like there's nothing more i could be sure of .. god .. why am i so stupid ? why can't i be alil more of what he wants ? why .. can we not be like this anymore ? can you love me as much as you did ?
arghhh .. i hate myself ..
i'm sorry ..
i love you like i always do.11:40 PM.
