Wednesday, December 29
was it you that caused all these ?
or was it just my narrow-mindedness ?
i wish someone could enlighten me .
is it so difficult to pay attention when someone's talking to you , and give a reasonable or relevant reply ?
is it not logical that you would want a reply ?
does sorry help if all you do after that was to repeat the mistakes ?
my patience ran thin . you're always grinding me with your fantasy talks or going about what you know or noticed about this or that girl . havn't you promised me before ? havn't you already said sorry about this a million times ?
i feel so insignificant whenever you just brush me aside , want to do things that makes you happy or create happy memories , but not wanting to clear up the mess you made . the broken pieces , still left lying there , how are you going to walk over it without getting hurt ? or perhaps , i was the one who had to walk over it that's why it won't hurt you , won't bother you ?
perhaps it's about time . she's single now , does that excite you ? anyway , it doesn't really bother me anymore because i can't really convince myself anymore . all you do is apologize about it now and bring it up again later . just like directing a knife into my heart , send me to the hospital , and later stab me again . what's this ? apologetic murderer ?
i'm still not as sarcastic or nasty as i can be right now . because part of me still yearns for you to ring me up , tell me you've waken up and would stop doing it already .. but .. is this real ? maybe it's just in my head . you'd always wanna be in the honeymoon period . you'd always wanna enjoy your youth . you say it's because it's still early , like as if it's not time for you to grow up yet . but no . it's more like you don't wanna grow up yet .
i'm at the end of my wits , all with a broken heart . you too ?
or was it just my narrow-mindedness ?
i wish someone could enlighten me .
is it so difficult to pay attention when someone's talking to you , and give a reasonable or relevant reply ?
is it not logical that you would want a reply ?
does sorry help if all you do after that was to repeat the mistakes ?
my patience ran thin . you're always grinding me with your fantasy talks or going about what you know or noticed about this or that girl . havn't you promised me before ? havn't you already said sorry about this a million times ?
i feel so insignificant whenever you just brush me aside , want to do things that makes you happy or create happy memories , but not wanting to clear up the mess you made . the broken pieces , still left lying there , how are you going to walk over it without getting hurt ? or perhaps , i was the one who had to walk over it that's why it won't hurt you , won't bother you ?
perhaps it's about time . she's single now , does that excite you ? anyway , it doesn't really bother me anymore because i can't really convince myself anymore . all you do is apologize about it now and bring it up again later . just like directing a knife into my heart , send me to the hospital , and later stab me again . what's this ? apologetic murderer ?
i'm still not as sarcastic or nasty as i can be right now . because part of me still yearns for you to ring me up , tell me you've waken up and would stop doing it already .. but .. is this real ? maybe it's just in my head . you'd always wanna be in the honeymoon period . you'd always wanna enjoy your youth . you say it's because it's still early , like as if it's not time for you to grow up yet . but no . it's more like you don't wanna grow up yet .
i'm at the end of my wits , all with a broken heart . you too ?
i love you like i always do.11:40 PM.
Tuesday, December 28
i miss you so much , i wish you were here right now ..
i feel so torn apart , because my dreams are on the other end of your limit ..
i wish you could understand how i feel , because your emotions are mine too ..
i still love you like i always do ..
i feel so torn apart , because my dreams are on the other end of your limit ..
i wish you could understand how i feel , because your emotions are mine too ..
i still love you like i always do ..
i love you like i always do.6:02 PM.
一生中 ，能遇见你 ，和你在一起 ，
我很开心 。。
但发生这种事情 。。
我真的很难过 。。
sometimes i wonder why i have to do things this way .
sometimes i wonder why you would feel that way .
perhaps , it's because of the different environment and mindset we have ..
我很开心 。。
但发生这种事情 。。
我真的很难过 。。
sometimes i wonder why i have to do things this way .
sometimes i wonder why you would feel that way .
perhaps , it's because of the different environment and mindset we have ..
i love you like i always do.5:50 PM.
Wednesday, December 22
as the festives arrive ..
i feel so pampered by bf recently . he's been triggering me alot lesser , saying everything in the nicest ways possible , being patient with me , and enduring with me through non-solid food times . thanks baby .. i really appreciate every single bit of it .
it's always been me staying over but last night , it was his stayover ! xD i didn't expect an approval , so i just sent baby off at about 2130 but to my surprise , within 5mins , baby was standing on the inside of my house , closing my door ! hahas . i was shock and happy at the same time sia .. drove me insane !! XD totally loved the idea !!
i hope it not selfish of me that i hope you'd come over for a stay once in a while if permission is granted knowing that i've stayed over several times already . hahas . you kept using com to play games when you're around , and there's nothing else i could suggest given the fact that i myself feel bored too .. :( i tried suggesting majong tho , but my folks were too lazy .. sorry . the night then was rather warm .. you didn't seem to feel comfortable because of the height of my bed .. the underside .. sorry .. i wish there was something i could do about it ..
the plasticine on my gums fell off this morning . shock me outta my life luhs ! thn i dunno why .. itchy hand go pull out the transparent plastic-looking thingy inbetween my teeth , thn now it hurts like a hollow wound with wind blowing into it . gonna go back to the dentist and ask about it tml . hope it's ok ..
i just finished mass texting for addresses . and i realize , keeping in contact is really getting more and more difficult . with different priorities and timetables , lifestyles and environment , it really drives us each to different directions . and along this road , i've lost alot of people i know - some because we were too young to decide , some because of the change in relationships . yet , it's all over time . i could have kept her address , met up with her weekly or monthly back when i was in primary 2 or 3 . i could have met up with her every holiday for badminton . i could have wrote him a letter with my home number in it . all the i could haves .
i won't bother too much about the past , because the present's what i have to deal with , and the future that we've gotta plan for . buddies and girlfriends whom i havn't been texting or chatting much with , im really sorry ok ? i promise i won't let us fade ok ?
♥ FRIENDS FOREVER ! :)
thanks for being mine . ♥
i feel so pampered by bf recently . he's been triggering me alot lesser , saying everything in the nicest ways possible , being patient with me , and enduring with me through non-solid food times . thanks baby .. i really appreciate every single bit of it .
it's always been me staying over but last night , it was his stayover ! xD i didn't expect an approval , so i just sent baby off at about 2130 but to my surprise , within 5mins , baby was standing on the inside of my house , closing my door ! hahas . i was shock and happy at the same time sia .. drove me insane !! XD totally loved the idea !!
i hope it not selfish of me that i hope you'd come over for a stay once in a while if permission is granted knowing that i've stayed over several times already . hahas . you kept using com to play games when you're around , and there's nothing else i could suggest given the fact that i myself feel bored too .. :( i tried suggesting majong tho , but my folks were too lazy .. sorry . the night then was rather warm .. you didn't seem to feel comfortable because of the height of my bed .. the underside .. sorry .. i wish there was something i could do about it ..
the plasticine on my gums fell off this morning . shock me outta my life luhs ! thn i dunno why .. itchy hand go pull out the transparent plastic-looking thingy inbetween my teeth , thn now it hurts like a hollow wound with wind blowing into it . gonna go back to the dentist and ask about it tml . hope it's ok ..
i just finished mass texting for addresses . and i realize , keeping in contact is really getting more and more difficult . with different priorities and timetables , lifestyles and environment , it really drives us each to different directions . and along this road , i've lost alot of people i know - some because we were too young to decide , some because of the change in relationships . yet , it's all over time . i could have kept her address , met up with her weekly or monthly back when i was in primary 2 or 3 . i could have met up with her every holiday for badminton . i could have wrote him a letter with my home number in it . all the i could haves .
i won't bother too much about the past , because the present's what i have to deal with , and the future that we've gotta plan for . buddies and girlfriends whom i havn't been texting or chatting much with , im really sorry ok ? i promise i won't let us fade ok ?
♥ FRIENDS FOREVER ! :)
thanks for being mine . ♥
i love you like i always do.1:05 AM.
Monday, December 20
it's been a long while ..
it's been quite some time since i last went out with my folks on something casual . and today , is the day . we went to the area at marsiling , around blk 132 , where my folks had their massage , and i had my haircut . technically speaking , it was just a trim . hahas .
then after that , uncle drove us down to bukit panjang plaza , where we bought the groceries for the upcoming week or month , i'm not sure .. but all i know is that mother's trying to prepare the fridge for the time she might be away - rice , extra bottle of peanut butter , vegetables , along with some rewarding snacks for today . well , i must say .. it sure has been ages since i last pushed a trolly around the supermarket ~ XD
after that , we had our dinner at the foodcourt there itself .. and i realize something ! actually , the food there isn't as bad as people say it is . it's just reeeeeally expensive . hahas ! desserts followed up .. and yes . mother warned me saying "NO ICY OR COLD FOOD AFTER THE DENTAL TREATMENT !"
well , it's about time i tell you guys about my condition . i've had p.d if you know stuff about out teeth and gums . i didn't know it could look or be this bad . last fri i went for check up at marsiling polyclinic , but it was too full ! booked till next year march .. do you think i can wait ? with the pain already reigning over me ? nope . so we went over to admiralty clinic . couldn't find the supposed clinic we wanted to find so we went to the wad elephant one .. and there's only one word to describe it - HORRIBLE . the dentist was super attitude , a little violent , and impatient . so we went to the dental nearby my previous residential area - marsiling blk 211 . :) there , mother extracted her wisdom tooth before , and she said that this dentist is rather good . well , he's indeed much more patient at explaining the details , assuring me (especially when i have phobia of dentists) , and thoughtful enough to let me have some anesthetic before he cleans my teeth . i felt rather at ease except the fact that he's a really old man .. i fear that he'd have myopia .
well , candy was through all these dental phobia with me . enduring my loudness and cryings when i was most afraid . and yes , it was all in the public . mother was there too . but she was a little impatient with my loss of appetite .. yea . i really hope candy won't contract any oral probs from me .. oh hey ! it's nothing sexual ok ? peeps reading this , please note that . thank you . it's just me , not taking good care of my teeth and thus .. affecting my gums . yep . that was the day .
i'm alil lazy to go detail by detail , but then again , i must say that the upcoming week , i've got something to note everyday , and no , my darling , i havn't forgotten you . not even for one second .
these days have been tough for the both of us . i'm sorry . for being upset , affecting your emotions , but i really do love you . trust me on this . even when i don't wish to think or talk , i still love you .. you're still the only one in my heart . recently , you've been more patient with me - by being really cheerful . thanks dear .. i feel it . thanks for accepting me ..
we all make mistakes , still , no one should be sentenced to death . that , is always what i feel . you can give that person a lifetime imprisonment , but never a death penalty . however , it's somewhat equivalent so .. hahas . just accept it ? it's like the ink and the paper - once it inks onto it , it's never gonna be that pure again . but still , we can make the best out of it so .. there . let's make the best out of our arguments so that our relationship could be better alright ? i love you laogong ! :D
miss you lots .
ps : will upload the pics tml ! LOTS OF IT !! XD
it's been quite some time since i last went out with my folks on something casual . and today , is the day . we went to the area at marsiling , around blk 132 , where my folks had their massage , and i had my haircut . technically speaking , it was just a trim . hahas .
then after that , uncle drove us down to bukit panjang plaza , where we bought the groceries for the upcoming week or month , i'm not sure .. but all i know is that mother's trying to prepare the fridge for the time she might be away - rice , extra bottle of peanut butter , vegetables , along with some rewarding snacks for today . well , i must say .. it sure has been ages since i last pushed a trolly around the supermarket ~ XD
after that , we had our dinner at the foodcourt there itself .. and i realize something ! actually , the food there isn't as bad as people say it is . it's just reeeeeally expensive . hahas ! desserts followed up .. and yes . mother warned me saying "NO ICY OR COLD FOOD AFTER THE DENTAL TREATMENT !"
well , it's about time i tell you guys about my condition . i've had p.d if you know stuff about out teeth and gums . i didn't know it could look or be this bad . last fri i went for check up at marsiling polyclinic , but it was too full ! booked till next year march .. do you think i can wait ? with the pain already reigning over me ? nope . so we went over to admiralty clinic . couldn't find the supposed clinic we wanted to find so we went to the wad elephant one .. and there's only one word to describe it - HORRIBLE . the dentist was super attitude , a little violent , and impatient . so we went to the dental nearby my previous residential area - marsiling blk 211 . :) there , mother extracted her wisdom tooth before , and she said that this dentist is rather good . well , he's indeed much more patient at explaining the details , assuring me (especially when i have phobia of dentists) , and thoughtful enough to let me have some anesthetic before he cleans my teeth . i felt rather at ease except the fact that he's a really old man .. i fear that he'd have myopia .
well , candy was through all these dental phobia with me . enduring my loudness and cryings when i was most afraid . and yes , it was all in the public . mother was there too . but she was a little impatient with my loss of appetite .. yea . i really hope candy won't contract any oral probs from me .. oh hey ! it's nothing sexual ok ? peeps reading this , please note that . thank you . it's just me , not taking good care of my teeth and thus .. affecting my gums . yep . that was the day .
i'm alil lazy to go detail by detail , but then again , i must say that the upcoming week , i've got something to note everyday , and no , my darling , i havn't forgotten you . not even for one second .
these days have been tough for the both of us . i'm sorry . for being upset , affecting your emotions , but i really do love you . trust me on this . even when i don't wish to think or talk , i still love you .. you're still the only one in my heart . recently , you've been more patient with me - by being really cheerful . thanks dear .. i feel it . thanks for accepting me ..
we all make mistakes , still , no one should be sentenced to death . that , is always what i feel . you can give that person a lifetime imprisonment , but never a death penalty . however , it's somewhat equivalent so .. hahas . just accept it ? it's like the ink and the paper - once it inks onto it , it's never gonna be that pure again . but still , we can make the best out of it so .. there . let's make the best out of our arguments so that our relationship could be better alright ? i love you laogong ! :D
miss you lots .
ps : will upload the pics tml ! LOTS OF IT !! XD
i love you like i always do.12:07 AM.
Thursday, December 16
this is so awful ..
jus too awful ..
jus too awful ..
i love you like i always do.1:51 PM.
i really need you right now ..
christmas , new year , birthdays , medical check ups and lawsuits , valentine , followed by chinese new year .. if skipping it means skipping over frustration , i'd rather not be involved in any of these festives .
mother talked to me just now .. telling me about her condition . she has kidney problems , but not sure what it was . she'll be going for check ups on the 21st dec to hear out the analysis . thn on the 27th dec , she's going to court against my father . to me , father is no longer mine . this family was already broken in the beginning , with so much of violence . and now , illness has found my mother . am i about to become an orphan ? oh .. i still have a stepfather ..
4th of jan she has another checkup about the gastric . and the only things she said to me was "you've gotta help out around the house , and contact with uncle , otherwise he'll worry about you too .. stay home a little more .. what happened to your hand ? you punched the walls again ? don't hurt yourself .. remember mummy used to protect you and sis , even when your father whacked and beaten me up ? remember how i had to do x-rays because of that ? don't hurt yourself .. ok ?" it's been a really long time since she noticed something about me , and saying it so directly to me ..
i don't know what to say .. it feels so heavy-hearted .. all the self-discipline and maturity i have to have ..
candy and i crashed today . almost wrecked . there were several times i wanted to leave but he kept me . i've never been asked to stay . neither have i ever tried to leave . baby i don't know what else to say but i love you . i really do .. besides that , there's just a little bit of confusion and fear .. and darling i'm sorry about trying to explain why i was not feminine . after long thoughts about it , i finally understood that femininity is about behavior and many other things , but especially behavior . i'm sorry .. be patient with me about that alright ? i really wanna learn but i need some time and coaching .. soft coachings ..
i feel so messed up right now .. don't know what tomorrow will be like , whether you'll text or call me , feel alright or still bent .. so guilty and woried about my mother , thinking about all the times i could have spent with her rather than for my own interests .. if these are the retributions for the sins i've made , i'm sorry ..... do it on me please ?
i love you like i always do .
christmas , new year , birthdays , medical check ups and lawsuits , valentine , followed by chinese new year .. if skipping it means skipping over frustration , i'd rather not be involved in any of these festives .
mother talked to me just now .. telling me about her condition . she has kidney problems , but not sure what it was . she'll be going for check ups on the 21st dec to hear out the analysis . thn on the 27th dec , she's going to court against my father . to me , father is no longer mine . this family was already broken in the beginning , with so much of violence . and now , illness has found my mother . am i about to become an orphan ? oh .. i still have a stepfather ..
4th of jan she has another checkup about the gastric . and the only things she said to me was "you've gotta help out around the house , and contact with uncle , otherwise he'll worry about you too .. stay home a little more .. what happened to your hand ? you punched the walls again ? don't hurt yourself .. remember mummy used to protect you and sis , even when your father whacked and beaten me up ? remember how i had to do x-rays because of that ? don't hurt yourself .. ok ?" it's been a really long time since she noticed something about me , and saying it so directly to me ..
i don't know what to say .. it feels so heavy-hearted .. all the self-discipline and maturity i have to have ..
candy and i crashed today . almost wrecked . there were several times i wanted to leave but he kept me . i've never been asked to stay . neither have i ever tried to leave . baby i don't know what else to say but i love you . i really do .. besides that , there's just a little bit of confusion and fear .. and darling i'm sorry about trying to explain why i was not feminine . after long thoughts about it , i finally understood that femininity is about behavior and many other things , but especially behavior . i'm sorry .. be patient with me about that alright ? i really wanna learn but i need some time and coaching .. soft coachings ..
i feel so messed up right now .. don't know what tomorrow will be like , whether you'll text or call me , feel alright or still bent .. so guilty and woried about my mother , thinking about all the times i could have spent with her rather than for my own interests .. if these are the retributions for the sins i've made , i'm sorry ..... do it on me please ?
i love you like i always do .
i love you like i always do.12:48 AM.
Tuesday, December 14
告诉我 我该怎么做
告诉我 我可以跟谁说
告诉我 我还可以怎么去补救
裂了的镜子 就是会不同
碎了的心 虽然还可以复活
但已有了阴影
你知道吗？
我真的很爱你
但你还爱我吗？
别再告诉我 我们的过去
别再提起 之前我唯一大声的一次
我只想听你坦诚地告诉我
你还爱我吗？
告诉我 我可以跟谁说
告诉我 我还可以怎么去补救
裂了的镜子 就是会不同
碎了的心 虽然还可以复活
但已有了阴影
你知道吗？
我真的很爱你
但你还爱我吗？
别再告诉我 我们的过去
别再提起 之前我唯一大声的一次
我只想听你坦诚地告诉我
你还爱我吗？
i love you like i always do.11:53 PM.
我看见了
终点 它好像要到了
听着他告诉我他的好奇心 我静了
我不知道该如何是好
你爱我吗？
你的心都变了 , 这还重要吗？
终点 它好像要到了
听着他告诉我他的好奇心 我静了
我不知道该如何是好
你爱我吗？
你的心都变了 , 这还重要吗？
i love you like i always do.11:43 PM.
i'll always love you like i always do ..
i no longer know what's there for me in you . i feel alot , think even more .. simply because there's no more assurance . don't say that i'm putting words in your mouth . that's just how i feel .
this is the only place i could write now .. i hope it's okay ..
mother says that she has to go for operation on 4th jan , and father's no longer there . he used to be the most promising guy , and i used to respect him .. and she used to be so healthy and happy , but now so many worries underneath .. how would next year be ?
this is a really rough year for me . i bump into so many crazy people (some for good reasons) , but others all with the wrong intentions .. now , the bond between us is so liquefied .. because bonds are between more than one , and one person can't control the bond by themselves . i'm so sorry for making this a mess . i shouldn't have let you in that night . i loved you far too much , even till now . the moments we've had together , the tears i've cried for you .. it's so endless but yet , visible .
i've never regretted being with you .. not at all . you made me feel happiness again , how to love and cry for someone .. but i really hope you could let go of your pride because sometimes , that's the reason we sparked off ..
you asked if my feelings faded and i said no . when i asked you back , you simply shut me out saying "don't ask" .. dear , talk to me will you ? tell me what's on your mind and what's your decision .. love is a two way thing .. please don't just be the questioner and me the answer-er alright ? i really love you but if leaving me is what you'd prefer ....
i no longer know what's there for me in you . i feel alot , think even more .. simply because there's no more assurance . don't say that i'm putting words in your mouth . that's just how i feel .
this is the only place i could write now .. i hope it's okay ..
mother says that she has to go for operation on 4th jan , and father's no longer there . he used to be the most promising guy , and i used to respect him .. and she used to be so healthy and happy , but now so many worries underneath .. how would next year be ?
this is a really rough year for me . i bump into so many crazy people (some for good reasons) , but others all with the wrong intentions .. now , the bond between us is so liquefied .. because bonds are between more than one , and one person can't control the bond by themselves . i'm so sorry for making this a mess . i shouldn't have let you in that night . i loved you far too much , even till now . the moments we've had together , the tears i've cried for you .. it's so endless but yet , visible .
i've never regretted being with you .. not at all . you made me feel happiness again , how to love and cry for someone .. but i really hope you could let go of your pride because sometimes , that's the reason we sparked off ..
you asked if my feelings faded and i said no . when i asked you back , you simply shut me out saying "don't ask" .. dear , talk to me will you ? tell me what's on your mind and what's your decision .. love is a two way thing .. please don't just be the questioner and me the answer-er alright ? i really love you but if leaving me is what you'd prefer ....
i love you like i always do.6:51 PM.
Monday, December 13
it's all my fault ..
i blasted today . totally disappointed at myself right now . i know tears can't help , but what else happens naturally when one is sad ? self-abuse ? =\
happy now ? his feeling fade le lor .. you happy ? i don't know how much more moronic can you be .. you're always on the verge of falling outta love ! why can't you be a little smarter ? why can't you be alittle more confident and make guys love your confidence ? why can't you be alittle more woman and leave the decision makings to the guys ? why can't you just stop worrying and stop being so stupid ? why can't you just fall sick and die ?
i don't know what else to scold myself about but this is how much i can type in a short time . i don't know anything anymore . i just feel so useless and disgusted by myself right now . how did this ever happen ?
i know you've made effort to make ends meet . i know you've tried to be more sensitive about commenting . i know you've tried to express how much you love me . i know you've tried caring for my family .. i know .. i know .. i really feel and see it all ..
i'm sorry .. i know .. and there were times i gave in , times i kept quiet when you were blasting , times i tried to be just a listener when you just wanted to complain it all , and times i tried other approaches when you told me it's all wrong .. times .. when you realized you were wrong and i just swept it all away ..
darling i love you .. i really do .. it hurts me so much when you tell me that it's faded , that you're not gonna be that serious , that you no longer know if i'm the one you're looking for .. i wanna fulfill with you the vows we've made , the promises we've said .. those were serious words aren't they ?
i finally understood why my tears irritates people so much . but then again , be it sick or sad , i always yearned for someone to just hug me tight and be really patient and caring to me .. thanks for leaving that fever patch on my forehead .. nobody's ever done that for me before .. i really appreciated it ..
can you just talk to me ? everything so vague right now .. like as if you'd leave me any moment from now .. like there's nothing more i could be sure of .. god .. why am i so stupid ? why can't i be alil more of what he wants ? why .. can we not be like this anymore ? can you love me as much as you did ?
arghhh .. i hate myself ..
i'm sorry ..
i blasted today . totally disappointed at myself right now . i know tears can't help , but what else happens naturally when one is sad ? self-abuse ? =\
happy now ? his feeling fade le lor .. you happy ? i don't know how much more moronic can you be .. you're always on the verge of falling outta love ! why can't you be a little smarter ? why can't you be alittle more confident and make guys love your confidence ? why can't you be alittle more woman and leave the decision makings to the guys ? why can't you just stop worrying and stop being so stupid ? why can't you just fall sick and die ?
i don't know what else to scold myself about but this is how much i can type in a short time . i don't know anything anymore . i just feel so useless and disgusted by myself right now . how did this ever happen ?
i know you've made effort to make ends meet . i know you've tried to be more sensitive about commenting . i know you've tried to express how much you love me . i know you've tried caring for my family .. i know .. i know .. i really feel and see it all ..
i'm sorry .. i know .. and there were times i gave in , times i kept quiet when you were blasting , times i tried to be just a listener when you just wanted to complain it all , and times i tried other approaches when you told me it's all wrong .. times .. when you realized you were wrong and i just swept it all away ..
darling i love you .. i really do .. it hurts me so much when you tell me that it's faded , that you're not gonna be that serious , that you no longer know if i'm the one you're looking for .. i wanna fulfill with you the vows we've made , the promises we've said .. those were serious words aren't they ?
i finally understood why my tears irritates people so much . but then again , be it sick or sad , i always yearned for someone to just hug me tight and be really patient and caring to me .. thanks for leaving that fever patch on my forehead .. nobody's ever done that for me before .. i really appreciated it ..
can you just talk to me ? everything so vague right now .. like as if you'd leave me any moment from now .. like there's nothing more i could be sure of .. god .. why am i so stupid ? why can't i be alil more of what he wants ? why .. can we not be like this anymore ? can you love me as much as you did ?
arghhh .. i hate myself ..
i'm sorry ..
i love you like i always do.11:40 PM.
BEAUTY IS SKIN DEEP .
Nex at Serangoon's the lastest shopping mall ! it just started operating about 2 weeks ago , and up till mid december , they're actually having lotsa promotions and discounts !! though it has only 4 levels , but it's bigger than causeway , wider than vivo ! all the shops there adopts the new concept "spacious and luxurious" , i like ! everything looks so luxurious yet it's all pretty affordable !! like like !! :D
hehes . we had Wendy's again , but this time , remember the kfc 2piece chicken ? we had two piece of it with two drinks , for $2 only !! jealous right ?! XD oh no .. I DUN WANNA GET FATT !! T_____T
and yes , the pink specs , wasn't glam , but candy says it's cute ! so .. there ~ ps : the shopkeeper was staring right at me and shaking her head disappointedly , STANDING RIGHT BEHIND CANDY when he snapped !! LMAOS !! super paiseh luh !! XD
and yes , because this mall is new , we were walking around like fishes in the water that day .. hahas .. waves and crowds .. the place is just SO BIGG !! >.<
candy bought these for $20 only !! but then again , lil candy says that MUSTAFA has one for $2 or lesser !! where's this MUSTAFA huh ??? can any kind soul enlighten me please ??? im dying to get some new scents !! >.<
we're officially off 1 month le !! hehes . time really flies . weeks by weeks i stayed over , days by days we met up . times and times we sparked off , but still , we hung on tight to one another . it ain't easy adapting to me or him , but what i've learnt is love and trust may seem like two different things but in fact , true love's like a magical gem . it only allows people who are truly in love to see its true form . no more , no less . so there . i've said it . I LOVE YOU !! DO YOU LOVE ME TOO ?????? XD
peeps who know me , like .. friends since sec school , buddies , poly buddies , or any friends since young , i'm gonna change my contact number in about a month's time . gotta do some changes for my bf if it's still him by then ~ :X opps ! hehe .. baby you won't leave me right ? we've vowed forever le .. remember ? >.<
MOTHER BOUGHT ME A NEW WALLET !! >.< she simply quietly left it on my bed , beside the pile of clothes , and said nothing about it . i was like .. EH ?!?!?! MUMMY AR !! YOU BOUGHT A NEW WALLET FOR ME AR ?!?!?! shock ttm you know ? she's .. she's never given me since my last item .. the gameboy color , at the age of 9 or 10 .. of which was no better than my sis' gameboy advance .. lols .. lame to compare ? yea .. i know .. but back then , a decade ago , that was the innest thing eh ! lols .. anyway , im glad to have received the wallet today . though it's not a very poshe or vintage wallet , she put a $2 inside , and explained to me the imprint in the front - $2 as a good start and charm that money would be kept or saved , the tiger-like imprint for good luck ! hahas .. the most heartwarming thing besides the dinner together this year . btw , last friday's dinner was at the ke jia restaurant with uncle , mother , sis and candy ! cost about $100 but anyway , that's where i'll be working for 15 Jan and 2 Feb 2011 !! waitressing ftw !! :D
baby darling i'll train hard for dota kayys ? thanks for defending me twice on garena when i'm condemned by the public .. i promise i'll make you proud kays ? :)
i love you like i always do . ♥
Nex at Serangoon's the lastest shopping mall ! it just started operating about 2 weeks ago , and up till mid december , they're actually having lotsa promotions and discounts !! though it has only 4 levels , but it's bigger than causeway , wider than vivo ! all the shops there adopts the new concept "spacious and luxurious" , i like ! everything looks so luxurious yet it's all pretty affordable !! like like !! :D
hehes . we had Wendy's again , but this time , remember the kfc 2piece chicken ? we had two piece of it with two drinks , for $2 only !! jealous right ?! XD oh no .. I DUN WANNA GET FATT !! T_____T
and yes , the pink specs , wasn't glam , but candy says it's cute ! so .. there ~ ps : the shopkeeper was staring right at me and shaking her head disappointedly , STANDING RIGHT BEHIND CANDY when he snapped !! LMAOS !! super paiseh luh !! XD
and yes , because this mall is new , we were walking around like fishes in the water that day .. hahas .. waves and crowds .. the place is just SO BIGG !! >.<
candy bought these for $20 only !! but then again , lil candy says that MUSTAFA has one for $2 or lesser !! where's this MUSTAFA huh ??? can any kind soul enlighten me please ??? im dying to get some new scents !! >.<
we're officially off 1 month le !! hehes . time really flies . weeks by weeks i stayed over , days by days we met up . times and times we sparked off , but still , we hung on tight to one another . it ain't easy adapting to me or him , but what i've learnt is love and trust may seem like two different things but in fact , true love's like a magical gem . it only allows people who are truly in love to see its true form . no more , no less . so there . i've said it . I LOVE YOU !! DO YOU LOVE ME TOO ?????? XD
peeps who know me , like .. friends since sec school , buddies , poly buddies , or any friends since young , i'm gonna change my contact number in about a month's time . gotta do some changes for my bf if it's still him by then ~ :X opps ! hehe .. baby you won't leave me right ? we've vowed forever le .. remember ? >.<
MOTHER BOUGHT ME A NEW WALLET !! >.< she simply quietly left it on my bed , beside the pile of clothes , and said nothing about it . i was like .. EH ?!?!?! MUMMY AR !! YOU BOUGHT A NEW WALLET FOR ME AR ?!?!?! shock ttm you know ? she's .. she's never given me since my last item .. the gameboy color , at the age of 9 or 10 .. of which was no better than my sis' gameboy advance .. lols .. lame to compare ? yea .. i know .. but back then , a decade ago , that was the innest thing eh ! lols .. anyway , im glad to have received the wallet today . though it's not a very poshe or vintage wallet , she put a $2 inside , and explained to me the imprint in the front - $2 as a good start and charm that money would be kept or saved , the tiger-like imprint for good luck ! hahas .. the most heartwarming thing besides the dinner together this year . btw , last friday's dinner was at the ke jia restaurant with uncle , mother , sis and candy ! cost about $100 but anyway , that's where i'll be working for 15 Jan and 2 Feb 2011 !! waitressing ftw !! :D
baby darling i'll train hard for dota kayys ? thanks for defending me twice on garena when i'm condemned by the public .. i promise i'll make you proud kays ? :)
i love you like i always do . ♥
i love you like i always do.1:08 AM.
Thursday, December 9
you're like a firework to me .
so there i was , researching about facial massage and pop , i found this !
from what i think , i think it's rather useful and from what i heard from one of my fav gal sarah , she told me vaguely about facial massage and it sounded a kinda similar to this so yea .. i'm gonna give it a try . peeps , you too alright ? :)
mummy caught me gobbling on maggi like .. 4th time this month ? but i still don't think my hairfall that once in a while is because of that . remember i once had a crash diet ? well , thanks to depression and all guys who dumped me , im who i am today . don't try to bring me down cause i'll only come back stronger and wilder . rwarr !!
i had a luxurious dinner with candy today . i had Swensen's 49er burger set and he had a chicken bake rice . dang ! after tasting the bake rice there , i missed those from pasta mania and jack's place !! do you know why ?? well , i'll tell you why .. you know .. baked rice are .. rice right ? theirs tasted like congee !! EWW TTM !! tsk . mine was alright .. their burger set which consist of 2 burgers , fries and coleslaw . oh yea . we went at about 4pm , so we got to enjoy the student meal at $9.80++ . the bill for 2 sets of student meal was $23.05 , not bad right ? hahas . shall jump in for their 1-for-1 lunch treat during the holidays !! whoo ~ :D
we've checked , sync-ed and .. both our holiday starts on the 18th !! happy daooo ~ hehes . i'm currently looking for part time or temp jobs tho . was hoping we could have new experiences together . still , there's afew things we've listed on our to-do list : 1-for-1 singapore flyer , gelare half-priced waffle , swensen's 1-for-1 lunch treat , astons , kbox .. and many many more ! hahas . you guys can try it too ! pack it all up with a little bit of work and you'll have a fruitful and enjoyable holiday ! but of course , don't forget to revise and do preparations for the tests in the january !! :)
all the events are coming !! here's a list of dates i have currently :
1) 17 ~ 19 Jedi and Vanessa's chalet
2) 21st outing with carol
3) 25th christmas party with candy
4) 31st outing with belinda
and subsequently , whether or not there are people booking me up , i'll be spending a definite amount of time with you ok , candy ? don't worry or anyhow think uh ! :)
gotta go now ~ ttatta ~
what do i remind you of ?
candy said : "if your face were to be slimmer , you'd be much prettier ."
from what i think , i think it's rather useful and from what i heard from one of my fav gal sarah , she told me vaguely about facial massage and it sounded a kinda similar to this so yea .. i'm gonna give it a try . peeps , you too alright ? :)
mummy caught me gobbling on maggi like .. 4th time this month ? but i still don't think my hairfall that once in a while is because of that . remember i once had a crash diet ? well , thanks to depression and all guys who dumped me , im who i am today . don't try to bring me down cause i'll only come back stronger and wilder . rwarr !!
i had a luxurious dinner with candy today . i had Swensen's 49er burger set and he had a chicken bake rice . dang ! after tasting the bake rice there , i missed those from pasta mania and jack's place !! do you know why ?? well , i'll tell you why .. you know .. baked rice are .. rice right ? theirs tasted like congee !! EWW TTM !! tsk . mine was alright .. their burger set which consist of 2 burgers , fries and coleslaw . oh yea . we went at about 4pm , so we got to enjoy the student meal at $9.80++ . the bill for 2 sets of student meal was $23.05 , not bad right ? hahas . shall jump in for their 1-for-1 lunch treat during the holidays !! whoo ~ :D
we've checked , sync-ed and .. both our holiday starts on the 18th !! happy daooo ~ hehes . i'm currently looking for part time or temp jobs tho . was hoping we could have new experiences together . still , there's afew things we've listed on our to-do list : 1-for-1 singapore flyer , gelare half-priced waffle , swensen's 1-for-1 lunch treat , astons , kbox .. and many many more ! hahas . you guys can try it too ! pack it all up with a little bit of work and you'll have a fruitful and enjoyable holiday ! but of course , don't forget to revise and do preparations for the tests in the january !! :)
all the events are coming !! here's a list of dates i have currently :
1) 17 ~ 19 Jedi and Vanessa's chalet
2) 21st outing with carol
3) 25th christmas party with candy
4) 31st outing with belinda
and subsequently , whether or not there are people booking me up , i'll be spending a definite amount of time with you ok , candy ? don't worry or anyhow think uh ! :)
gotta go now ~ ttatta ~
what do i remind you of ?
i love you like i always do.12:39 AM.
Tuesday, December 7
it's all about chemical reaction ..
i went to do some research and there are indeed links with scientific explanations saying love is actually a form of chemical reaction in our brain , so are our emotions . but then again , there's just no cure to this chemical reaction which we call "love" .
school was alright today . we had a change of teams , and my partner today was the top scholar ( also love guru ) , none other than adriel . kelvin and yiling were also in my team . hmms .. from what i saw today , guru's a really hardworking and determined student , focused and diligent . and there .. he did all the work , while i just quietly follow mentally . lols . i notice yiling kept smiling at her phone recently , and yea .. kelvin still looks really shag . probably cuz of all the part-time job schedules .
i went over to find candy after school today , all by myself . hmms .. why do i have a feeling that he's been gaming so much lately ? anyway , from what i noticed and from what he kept emphasizing .. his tummy shrinked !! and i was like .. "one day only .. can slim down so significantly ?!" well , truth is .. can lor ........ lol . he laughed alot today , looked happier than usual , and was a tad bit sweeter than before . this means i'm doing fine right ? baby must stay this way forever k ? :D
candy asked his sis and mum today : "ma , mei .. do you think my girlfriend's fat ?"
and his mum's reaction was like : "where got .. how can you say that .. "
but the classic statement came from his sis : "where got ? then you even fatter lor . she nvr comment about you yet you keep commenting about her.. i hate guys who say their own girlfriend fat de lor.. "
i was like .. yay !! finally some justice .. cuz i've always been thinking : if you really love someone , would you say or think that way about them ? or from the other point of view , if they tell you they love you , yet comment about you this way , how would you feel ?
still , it was just a joke from him . ouh well .. what's there for me to worry about then ? he doesn't know me when i was fat .. so the slim-down me does not impress him much but hey , i believe in myself alright ~ i oso have people taking looks at me one okayyyyy .. lols . believe believe ???? xD
we had 2 matches of element td just now . it's really irritating how the mode just keeps auto-increasing by itself . from very easy to easy , to normal .. i think that's part of the reason why i died off so badly ? yea yea .. i didn't catch the timing well enough too . i'll try brushing up on my Luna real soon alright ? :p
hehes .. i have a surprise for you !! look forward to it ok ?? :D
i believe everything you say , and i wanna make you happier than anyone else ever has .
i love you like i always do.11:18 PM.
Monday, December 6
you're my fantasy .
gastric sucks . presentation today was cancelled after about 10mins of waiting . but halfway through the wait , i was hell-struck . the pain in the middle of your tummy , striking each time like how the lightning would spread across the sky , it struck my body , my organ , and spread across me . tsk ..
i thought i could meet up with candy , but turns out his sleep robbed him even from the ringings so .. tah-dah ~ i reached home at about 6pm , a tad bit early for dinner . he called up right after i finished the dishes , man .. what else could i ask for today ? the text he sent me at about 5am when he couldn't sleep , the morning greeting message at 6am , and most memorably , the goodnight message which started off the surprise right after midnight passed . the only thing i'd wish for is probably a bdae present from him ? lols . just kidding . just love me the way i am and i'll be contented enough . :)
i miss you so much baby , am i doing enough for you ? cuz i'm gonna love myself more and not let you feed me up !! >.< hahahas . silly things i'm blabbering .. so looking forward to this saturday ! hope what my little present is enough to hold your smile through .
gastric sucks . presentation today was cancelled after about 10mins of waiting . but halfway through the wait , i was hell-struck . the pain in the middle of your tummy , striking each time like how the lightning would spread across the sky , it struck my body , my organ , and spread across me . tsk ..
i thought i could meet up with candy , but turns out his sleep robbed him even from the ringings so .. tah-dah ~ i reached home at about 6pm , a tad bit early for dinner . he called up right after i finished the dishes , man .. what else could i ask for today ? the text he sent me at about 5am when he couldn't sleep , the morning greeting message at 6am , and most memorably , the goodnight message which started off the surprise right after midnight passed . the only thing i'd wish for is probably a bdae present from him ? lols . just kidding . just love me the way i am and i'll be contented enough . :)
i miss you so much baby , am i doing enough for you ? cuz i'm gonna love myself more and not let you feed me up !! >.< hahahas . silly things i'm blabbering .. so looking forward to this saturday ! hope what my little present is enough to hold your smile through .
one bit of effort from you could move me to tears , stick a smile on me the whole day , and change the way i think about everything else .
i love you like i always do.8:16 PM.
Sunday, December 5
picture memories .
we went shopping at bugis street on thursday , and we bought this ! it's very much like any other sweets , except the fact that it's from Japan , the tastes are more unique - cola , soda , lemon , apple , orange and grape .. all with a tint of frizz .
we bought lotsa clothes that night . it was 2 berms for $25 , 2 tee for $35 , a male cardi for $19 , 2 scarfs for $20 , a female top for $10 , couple long sleeve shirt for $16 . it was the first time i felt the "enter with empty hands , leave with hands full" kinda feeling .
we met up with sarah and gerald at Lot 1 for dinner . it was Macs . :D lucky how he had won this much from the Mac draw - 1 for 1 flyer and free Big Mac Burger . i wanna try it someday soon i hope . hahas .
our dinner at Wendy's yesterday evening at Jurong Point while loitering over between 4pm to 9pm . we didn't do movies last night , and even skipped dota yet , we've enjoyed ourselves pretty much .
his order : Triple Stack Combo
my order : Ultimate Chicken Grill Combo
silly candy , why did you ever fall sick ? how could you ? watching you sleep all day , lookin so shag just leaves me feelin helpless when there's just nothing much i could do to help . i miss your hugs so much but you only told me it's too warm .. still , the stay's not that bad because i get to see you , tease you , eat with you like .. the whole time ! hahas ! thanks for compromising .. i appreciated it very much . :)
we went shopping at bugis street on thursday , and we bought this ! it's very much like any other sweets , except the fact that it's from Japan , the tastes are more unique - cola , soda , lemon , apple , orange and grape .. all with a tint of frizz .
we bought lotsa clothes that night . it was 2 berms for $25 , 2 tee for $35 , a male cardi for $19 , 2 scarfs for $20 , a female top for $10 , couple long sleeve shirt for $16 . it was the first time i felt the "enter with empty hands , leave with hands full" kinda feeling .
we met up with sarah and gerald at Lot 1 for dinner . it was Macs . :D lucky how he had won this much from the Mac draw - 1 for 1 flyer and free Big Mac Burger . i wanna try it someday soon i hope . hahas .
our dinner at Wendy's yesterday evening at Jurong Point while loitering over between 4pm to 9pm . we didn't do movies last night , and even skipped dota yet , we've enjoyed ourselves pretty much .
his order : Triple Stack Combo
my order : Ultimate Chicken Grill Combo
silly candy , why did you ever fall sick ? how could you ? watching you sleep all day , lookin so shag just leaves me feelin helpless when there's just nothing much i could do to help . i miss your hugs so much but you only told me it's too warm .. still , the stay's not that bad because i get to see you , tease you , eat with you like .. the whole time ! hahas ! thanks for compromising .. i appreciated it very much . :)
i love you like i always do.4:40 PM.
Thursday, December 2
and i begin to wonder who'd remember ..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRETTY 18 !! it's gladys's birthday today ! baby and i attended her bdae bbq , helped out in collecting her pressies for her besties , and brought over some of the stuff (so as to lighten the load) , and baby helped start the fire and cook ! hahas ! well , i realize we have really different ways of doing things . slightly different . like the approach of starting up the fire , the cooking .. but then again , that's not gonna be a big deal right ? :)
well , it got me wondering what my birthday would be like .. with friends and buddies ? family ? boyfriend ? it's in about a month's time but i'm just so lost . i don't know how i should put everything together , i wanna celebrate with everyone ! arghhh ! sad ttm ! T___T anyway , i've decided to slim down >5kg by my birthday - not by pure weight but more of the shape ! hmms . that's a month for 5kg , focused on the waist ! wish me luck ! XD
baby taught me how to play dota today . LMF was awesome ! loved it alot alot ! and it's all baby's credit ! hahas .. i'm sooooo not gonna be called a noob anymore ! blehh ! XD i tried element td on garena today too ! it was amazing ! i finally found a match ! late's only 15 , but i was super owned la ! good good . now i know how i can brush up on td . :)
candy and i took two polaroids during the bbq today ! when he uploads from his sis's cam , i'll upload here k ? hahas .
because you need it more than i do .
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRETTY 18 !! it's gladys's birthday today ! baby and i attended her bdae bbq , helped out in collecting her pressies for her besties , and brought over some of the stuff (so as to lighten the load) , and baby helped start the fire and cook ! hahas ! well , i realize we have really different ways of doing things . slightly different . like the approach of starting up the fire , the cooking .. but then again , that's not gonna be a big deal right ? :)
well , it got me wondering what my birthday would be like .. with friends and buddies ? family ? boyfriend ? it's in about a month's time but i'm just so lost . i don't know how i should put everything together , i wanna celebrate with everyone ! arghhh ! sad ttm ! T___T anyway , i've decided to slim down >5kg by my birthday - not by pure weight but more of the shape ! hmms . that's a month for 5kg , focused on the waist ! wish me luck ! XD
baby taught me how to play dota today . LMF was awesome ! loved it alot alot ! and it's all baby's credit ! hahas .. i'm sooooo not gonna be called a noob anymore ! blehh ! XD i tried element td on garena today too ! it was amazing ! i finally found a match ! late's only 15 , but i was super owned la ! good good . now i know how i can brush up on td . :)
candy and i took two polaroids during the bbq today ! when he uploads from his sis's cam , i'll upload here k ? hahas .
because you need it more than i do .
i love you like i always do.1:49 AM.
Wednesday, December 1
ღ cravings
at first , i was craving for ice milo . thn i was craving for fried chicken (or anything made outta that) , and the last i craved for was home cooked food . baby made a really good dinner today , and i rated it 8/10 .
candy : "where did the other 2 marks go ?"
me : "1 because it's all fried , the other is because there's no vege ."
candy : "aww .. dear , it's not some ma han quan xi lehs .."
me : "but lidat not very jian kang mahs .."
and yes ! it was very fulfilling ! hahas . he cooked , and i washed the plates . :) we didn't tiff , didn't stress .. everything was light and happy ! :D
anyway , i finished today's paper 20mins before the end time , which means i took only 25mins . and i tried td on garena today ! whoo ! shiok ar ! ytd matched with sarah on dota , but she used zeus in a wtf mode and i was like .. WTF ?! i died like .. 4 TIMES IN A ROW AT MY BASE !! tsk ! totally tsk lahs .. lols .. i'm sooooooooo gonna trash her the next match .. rwarr ! >.<
desmond was all over his bgr and yew fai was really a friendly dude today . hahas . offered yanyan biscuit sticks and even pockey .. hazwan and adriel were the gurus ! they had this really summarizing conclusion which i think is thought-worthy .
hazwan : "if you love the person , live with everything . if not , just leave this relationship ."
adriel : "if you can swallow it , swallow it and pretend nothing happened . if you can't swallow it , then thrash it out ."
*yawns*
exam's finally over ! i feel so much more relaxed now . can game , go shopping , slack .. oh yea ! it's been 2weeks since my last bonbon ! miss it so much .. but i'm not giving up our future for that ! hahas . i was asking baby about her angkong , and he was like .. "if you go put angkong , we're over ." :$ so look forward to her bdae bbq tml , but baby like dowan go lidat leyys .. how ? lols .
some things i won't say .
at first , i was craving for ice milo . thn i was craving for fried chicken (or anything made outta that) , and the last i craved for was home cooked food . baby made a really good dinner today , and i rated it 8/10 .
 |
| cupcorn , mee goreng , nuggets , bacon , crab meat |
candy : "where did the other 2 marks go ?"
me : "1 because it's all fried , the other is because there's no vege ."
candy : "aww .. dear , it's not some ma han quan xi lehs .."
me : "but lidat not very jian kang mahs .."
and yes ! it was very fulfilling ! hahas . he cooked , and i washed the plates . :) we didn't tiff , didn't stress .. everything was light and happy ! :D
anyway , i finished today's paper 20mins before the end time , which means i took only 25mins . and i tried td on garena today ! whoo ! shiok ar ! ytd matched with sarah on dota , but she used zeus in a wtf mode and i was like .. WTF ?! i died like .. 4 TIMES IN A ROW AT MY BASE !! tsk ! totally tsk lahs .. lols .. i'm sooooooooo gonna trash her the next match .. rwarr ! >.<
desmond was all over his bgr and yew fai was really a friendly dude today . hahas . offered yanyan biscuit sticks and even pockey .. hazwan and adriel were the gurus ! they had this really summarizing conclusion which i think is thought-worthy .
hazwan : "if you love the person , live with everything . if not , just leave this relationship ."
adriel : "if you can swallow it , swallow it and pretend nothing happened . if you can't swallow it , then thrash it out ."
*yawns*
exam's finally over ! i feel so much more relaxed now . can game , go shopping , slack .. oh yea ! it's been 2weeks since my last bonbon ! miss it so much .. but i'm not giving up our future for that ! hahas . i was asking baby about her angkong , and he was like .. "if you go put angkong , we're over ." :$ so look forward to her bdae bbq tml , but baby like dowan go lidat leyys .. how ? lols .
some things i won't say .
i love you like i always do.1:19 AM.
