Monday, November 1
esse quam videri.
(to be, rather than to seem)
i've been living a very different character for the past few months, and i've seen people rejecting it off their face when they look at me - be it towards relationship or my habit. still, this is a path i chose.
i chose to do this because i want to. i wanna see how i can live with this, how this could change me and my perception towards things.. indeed, i have felt better. i've come to understand that sometimes, most of the times, it's best you don't take things too seriously - especially those of the conversation.
people around me, authorities and friends, they've been kinda shock to see it, some still not able to accept it. they asked me to quit, but then again, there's just no way out of it. picking up this habit is just like going on a hot air balloon - going against my fear for heights (fear for death), going against all odds.
what i think about life now is no longer that much of love because as we've all witnessed, life has much more problems to it than happiness - what you get, is all in your head, the thoughts you put in your mind. i no longer think about how i might die, instead, i think more about how i'm going to get by, and about how to fulfill my dream because i've realize that the most prominent loss is time, which we have no clue about what's to come, and because it doesn't stop to wait.
whatever you do now, will reflect in your future - this is what the society always emphasis. this is what i think of everyday, and it drives me nuts because what i can do now, for the future, is just all these.. and likewise about having fun. it seems like fun never has an end to it but then again, your position, your perspective, your role in fun.. just keeps changing.
i know you guys care about me.. that's why you bothered explaining to me, stopping me.. but.. i can't see a way out of this.. it's just an add-on i get, afew more negatives in my impression.. it it won't get any worser.
i will take care of myself, and i will prove the social norm wrong.
(to be, rather than to seem)
i've been living a very different character for the past few months, and i've seen people rejecting it off their face when they look at me - be it towards relationship or my habit. still, this is a path i chose.
i chose to do this because i want to. i wanna see how i can live with this, how this could change me and my perception towards things.. indeed, i have felt better. i've come to understand that sometimes, most of the times, it's best you don't take things too seriously - especially those of the conversation.
people around me, authorities and friends, they've been kinda shock to see it, some still not able to accept it. they asked me to quit, but then again, there's just no way out of it. picking up this habit is just like going on a hot air balloon - going against my fear for heights (fear for death), going against all odds.
what i think about life now is no longer that much of love because as we've all witnessed, life has much more problems to it than happiness - what you get, is all in your head, the thoughts you put in your mind. i no longer think about how i might die, instead, i think more about how i'm going to get by, and about how to fulfill my dream because i've realize that the most prominent loss is time, which we have no clue about what's to come, and because it doesn't stop to wait.
whatever you do now, will reflect in your future - this is what the society always emphasis. this is what i think of everyday, and it drives me nuts because what i can do now, for the future, is just all these.. and likewise about having fun. it seems like fun never has an end to it but then again, your position, your perspective, your role in fun.. just keeps changing.
i know you guys care about me.. that's why you bothered explaining to me, stopping me.. but.. i can't see a way out of this.. it's just an add-on i get, afew more negatives in my impression.. it it won't get any worser.
i will take care of myself, and i will prove the social norm wrong.
i love you like i always do.6:04 PM.
