Friday, November 5
deepavali poison ..
i went drinking with lawrence , weizhi n his gf , chiasien and eugene . from bout 11pm till 2am , and i started feeling the gastric constrictions .. at first , i thought i was just thinking too much , but then , it was real ..
the gastric went on and on , and soon , at about 3am , i started the regurgitating process .. the constrictions got more and more evident to the point i can't stop shivering . i got home at about 4am . by then , my head was all over the place .. i vomited countless times , my tears came to confront me , and my body just keep dying .. everything was so real and so painful , i thought i might die .. my stomach kept feeling like it's gonna burst anytime , and the strength i had was so minute !
at that point of time , dying could have been a better option .. but i was just that timid . i lighted incense , i cried , i just kept telling myself "i shudn't have .. i shudn hav .. if i have a chance to live through this , i promise i'll repent .."
i was supposed to visit my grandpa with mother, her hubby and sis this morning at about 8am . at about 6am , my sis came to wake me up , saying that i need to be ready to leave in 15mins time . there i was , lyin on the bed so dying .. i couldn't be bothered at all . thn tad bit later , mother came in and i just kept holding her hand , telling her how i feel .. she sounded a little worried but nothing more . all i heard was "why didn't you tell me ? why didn't your friends send you to the hospital ?"
i passed lawrence my remaining two box of bonbons , though i still have 3 with me , i really don't feel like it anymore ..
to that someone who kept wanting to meet me when i was a mess : i guess we're just not meant to be .. cuz no matter how many times i've told you not to be pushy , you just kept filtering that through .. maybe you really wanted to take care of me , but i really don't do things that way .. it's just not me to be like that .. sorry ..
there's no perfect one anymore ..
i went drinking with lawrence , weizhi n his gf , chiasien and eugene . from bout 11pm till 2am , and i started feeling the gastric constrictions .. at first , i thought i was just thinking too much , but then , it was real ..
the gastric went on and on , and soon , at about 3am , i started the regurgitating process .. the constrictions got more and more evident to the point i can't stop shivering . i got home at about 4am . by then , my head was all over the place .. i vomited countless times , my tears came to confront me , and my body just keep dying .. everything was so real and so painful , i thought i might die .. my stomach kept feeling like it's gonna burst anytime , and the strength i had was so minute !
at that point of time , dying could have been a better option .. but i was just that timid . i lighted incense , i cried , i just kept telling myself "i shudn't have .. i shudn hav .. if i have a chance to live through this , i promise i'll repent .."
i was supposed to visit my grandpa with mother, her hubby and sis this morning at about 8am . at about 6am , my sis came to wake me up , saying that i need to be ready to leave in 15mins time . there i was , lyin on the bed so dying .. i couldn't be bothered at all . thn tad bit later , mother came in and i just kept holding her hand , telling her how i feel .. she sounded a little worried but nothing more . all i heard was "why didn't you tell me ? why didn't your friends send you to the hospital ?"
i passed lawrence my remaining two box of bonbons , though i still have 3 with me , i really don't feel like it anymore ..
to that someone who kept wanting to meet me when i was a mess : i guess we're just not meant to be .. cuz no matter how many times i've told you not to be pushy , you just kept filtering that through .. maybe you really wanted to take care of me , but i really don't do things that way .. it's just not me to be like that .. sorry ..
there's no perfect one anymore ..
i love you like i always do.3:33 PM.
