Saturday, October 30
因为
我不喜欢呆在家，我宁愿在外自己一个！
因为在家里，我感受不到窝心的感觉。小时候家很大，但有很多人 - 房客和我家人。现在家很小，但却常常空无一人。我们擦肩而过上万遍，对，就只擦肩，一点都不了解彼此。
累了的时候就睡，生气的时候就吵，不了解的时候就骂 - 悲。
我希望自己能把心事轻易的说出来，不但脑依依地解开！
在这一刻，我觉得自己很没用，很无奈。对于爱情一窍不通时，就只会掏心废气地把赤裸裸的心和魂魄献上去 - 得到的却只是厌倦和无奈。于是，我学会用规则看待爱情，站稳立场，不被影响 - 得到的却是在自己身上堆了一堆又一堆的隐藏和提放。
真的很累，很想放弃。
我对爱情产生了恐惧感，对男生失去了信心！
十九岁这年，自从我的相信被背叛了两次后，我真的怕了。从十四岁起就不断被玩弄感情，的确，我也有错过的时候，但到现在，今年，我真的怕了。无法放下我的防备之心，无法走出过去的阴影，我很难预防自己再次陷入爱情，所以很害怕，很矛盾。
家里发生了这么多事，谁也不想，但全都已不重要了。。
不管是和爸或妈住都一样！妈妈忙着谈恋爱，爸爸忙着工作，妹妹从不理我 - 我也不管了！只要有朋友在我身边，我就能好过一些些。。
阴影，不是一辈子的事。。但会需要好长一段时间才能恢复原来的呼吸。
我不喜欢呆在家，我宁愿在外自己一个！
因为在家里，我感受不到窝心的感觉。小时候家很大，但有很多人 - 房客和我家人。现在家很小，但却常常空无一人。我们擦肩而过上万遍，对，就只擦肩，一点都不了解彼此。
累了的时候就睡，生气的时候就吵，不了解的时候就骂 - 悲。
我希望自己能把心事轻易的说出来，不但脑依依地解开！
在这一刻，我觉得自己很没用，很无奈。对于爱情一窍不通时，就只会掏心废气地把赤裸裸的心和魂魄献上去 - 得到的却只是厌倦和无奈。于是，我学会用规则看待爱情，站稳立场，不被影响 - 得到的却是在自己身上堆了一堆又一堆的隐藏和提放。
真的很累，很想放弃。
我对爱情产生了恐惧感，对男生失去了信心！
十九岁这年，自从我的相信被背叛了两次后，我真的怕了。从十四岁起就不断被玩弄感情，的确，我也有错过的时候，但到现在，今年，我真的怕了。无法放下我的防备之心，无法走出过去的阴影，我很难预防自己再次陷入爱情，所以很害怕，很矛盾。
家里发生了这么多事，谁也不想，但全都已不重要了。。
不管是和爸或妈住都一样！妈妈忙着谈恋爱，爸爸忙着工作，妹妹从不理我 - 我也不管了！只要有朋友在我身边，我就能好过一些些。。
阴影，不是一辈子的事。。但会需要好长一段时间才能恢复原来的呼吸。
i love you like i always do.2:39 AM.
Wednesday, October 27
sick sick SICK !!
i slept real early last night . at about 10 pm , which is 3 hours earlier than my usual bedtime .
mother gave me $40 bucks on monday cuz she strike lottery , and immediately , i used it to clear my $40 debt at Summer , the apparel shop at cck mrt . but wait , that's not the end of the story ! my mum actually gave me that $40 , $10 for me to buy socks (guess she finally saw the holes on the sole of my socks) , and $10 to get a pair of new slippers (from rush or any other places selling $10 per pair) , and $20 for me to spend freely . so in conclusion , im still in debt , just that my debtors have changed . hahas .
i did 3 bonbons yesterday cuz time was really short .
i wanted to chat over the phone last night , but somewhere between looking for people and texting , i dozed off . =.= the next thing i remember happening was my mum coming into my room , doing the blanky for me , wiping my forehead . telling me i should make myself sweat because i'm sweating cold sweat then . guess my body's finally breaking down le eh ?
hold me tight once more ..
i slept real early last night . at about 10 pm , which is 3 hours earlier than my usual bedtime .
mother gave me $40 bucks on monday cuz she strike lottery , and immediately , i used it to clear my $40 debt at Summer , the apparel shop at cck mrt . but wait , that's not the end of the story ! my mum actually gave me that $40 , $10 for me to buy socks (guess she finally saw the holes on the sole of my socks) , and $10 to get a pair of new slippers (from rush or any other places selling $10 per pair) , and $20 for me to spend freely . so in conclusion , im still in debt , just that my debtors have changed . hahas .
i did 3 bonbons yesterday cuz time was really short .
i wanted to chat over the phone last night , but somewhere between looking for people and texting , i dozed off . =.= the next thing i remember happening was my mum coming into my room , doing the blanky for me , wiping my forehead . telling me i should make myself sweat because i'm sweating cold sweat then . guess my body's finally breaking down le eh ?
hold me tight once more ..
i love you like i always do.2:03 PM.
boring wednesday..
it's a project day , but there ain't no bit of project done . that bitch is so tight up there he just keeps screwing me up ! he's not here for project meetings , and he's no there when we need help . what kinda advisor is this ?
i found a video , showed it to my friend , and he show me a few others ! so.. i hope you'll be able to enjoy what i enjoyed but cuz imma lazy ass , i downloaded only one .. but i'll leave the links here so you can view the rest kayy? i love you ~ :D
it's a project day , but there ain't no bit of project done . that bitch is so tight up there he just keeps screwing me up ! he's not here for project meetings , and he's no there when we need help . what kinda advisor is this ?
i found a video , showed it to my friend , and he show me a few others ! so.. i hope you'll be able to enjoy what i enjoyed but cuz imma lazy ass , i downloaded only one .. but i'll leave the links here so you can view the rest kayy? i love you ~ :D
i love you like i always do.1:45 PM.
Tuesday, October 26
i love you i love you i love you , not.
been sick for the past few days , coughing non-stop !
but it's all gonna stop now .
why?
cuz i say so !
>.<
do you believe in love ?
have you ever loved ?
are you in love right now ?
hahas . im asking the obvious .
you might not even know it even if you are , besides , you don't have to be together to love that person right ?
cuz it's a feeling none can control .
iim planning for my weekend now .
so for those who wants to meet me , start booking already !
XD
available at 8222 0375 .
ciaos~
because love is in the air .
been sick for the past few days , coughing non-stop !
but it's all gonna stop now .
why?
cuz i say so !
>.<
do you believe in love ?
have you ever loved ?
are you in love right now ?
hahas . im asking the obvious .
you might not even know it even if you are , besides , you don't have to be together to love that person right ?
cuz it's a feeling none can control .
iim planning for my weekend now .
so for those who wants to meet me , start booking already !
XD
available at 8222 0375 .
ciaos~
because love is in the air .
i love you like i always do.7:45 PM.
Saturday, October 23
BUZZ BUZZ BUSY ME.
been really busy this week. busy meeting up with different groups of people..
i meet up with yizhen (my yr 1 sem 2 classmate) and lawrence (my yr 2 sem 1 classmate, also in the same diploma) in the morning to walk to school, and after school, meet up with lawrence or zhiying to go cwp.
once every few days, will meet up with nic at cck to slack. and gary came to find me arnd my blk to slack too. hahas.. yea, i'm alot of a slacker.
k-ed with zhiying and cheryl on wednesday. fyp was horrible. i'm super upset about mr.e's attitude. mr.jk saw my post.. so.. i'm not gonna elaborate here. just in case i kena pautoh~
number 1 buddy (donald) and i reconciled!! super happy.. it was a cool-off period of 2 wks.. well, this 6years friendship keeps ticking~ hahas!!
i gotta go catch peiyi at cwp now le.. not clubbing this wk or slping over i guess.. will update again~
i love you like i always do.4:01 PM.
Monday, October 18
day 4 in school: Embedded System with Lim Chiew Yen
live your life to the fullest!!
i just did 30mins of hoola-hoop, the 3cm thick one. sweat like a pig man~ hahas.. anyway, i felt good having sweat so much. hope my waist shrinks more, then i can wear more nice clothings!!
sitting on my bed as i write this, legs folded in, with the fan directed at me. my psp's playing ryan cabrera's true. had a really stressed out school day again today as it was all about coding - coding on a Renesas's general function device. the bits and pieces i've learnt in year 1's computing and mathematical module, and year 2's microcontroller module, came in handy today. mainly because those stuff we learnt back then just fitted in as we struggled to understand the syntax written.
well, that's school. hmms.. now.. i just feel damn empty.. phobia about rs, stress from school, no feelings for my suitors, can't seem to fall for the right one.. arghh.. not gonna bother anymore.. just.. be friends and that's it. i had enough.
nonetheless, i wanna catch this!!
>>> it's a romance movie i trailed while going for Life As We Know It.
it's about a playboy settling down with one of his flings so.. yea, i wanna watch it.
kks.. i had enough of blogging today.. might be mugging later.. gawd knows? haish.. where are my kakiis.....
i am full of contradictions, only because i fear.
live your life to the fullest!!
i just did 30mins of hoola-hoop, the 3cm thick one. sweat like a pig man~ hahas.. anyway, i felt good having sweat so much. hope my waist shrinks more, then i can wear more nice clothings!!
sitting on my bed as i write this, legs folded in, with the fan directed at me. my psp's playing ryan cabrera's true. had a really stressed out school day again today as it was all about coding - coding on a Renesas's general function device. the bits and pieces i've learnt in year 1's computing and mathematical module, and year 2's microcontroller module, came in handy today. mainly because those stuff we learnt back then just fitted in as we struggled to understand the syntax written.
well, that's school. hmms.. now.. i just feel damn empty.. phobia about rs, stress from school, no feelings for my suitors, can't seem to fall for the right one.. arghh.. not gonna bother anymore.. just.. be friends and that's it. i had enough.
nonetheless, i wanna catch this!!
it's about a playboy settling down with one of his flings so.. yea, i wanna watch it.
kks.. i had enough of blogging today.. might be mugging later.. gawd knows? haish.. where are my kakiis.....
i am full of contradictions, only because i fear.
i love you like i always do.7:14 PM.
Sunday, October 17
all that's left, is all that you have..
i wonder what it's gonna be like. when your friends do something that you already told them not to, then thinking they'd get away with it with your trust and bond.. i don't appreciate the things you're doing now. if you're happy with it, keep it up. but if you wanna fix me up, what you're risking is our friendship, the 6 years bond.
watched life as we know it today, with elliott. this is the kinda so-so movie i'd say. still, thanks for the company buddy!!
hmms.. oh yea.. about the revision, no 6p, cant read up, cant revise.. very bad and wasted weekend.. besides the fact that i got happily drunk on friday night. blehh~
hope i have fun soon~
turning in early tonight.. NITES PEEPS~ SWEET DREAMS!!
:)
pense à vous
i wonder what it's gonna be like. when your friends do something that you already told them not to, then thinking they'd get away with it with your trust and bond.. i don't appreciate the things you're doing now. if you're happy with it, keep it up. but if you wanna fix me up, what you're risking is our friendship, the 6 years bond.
watched life as we know it today, with elliott. this is the kinda so-so movie i'd say. still, thanks for the company buddy!!
hmms.. oh yea.. about the revision, no 6p, cant read up, cant revise.. very bad and wasted weekend.. besides the fact that i got happily drunk on friday night. blehh~
hope i have fun soon~
turning in early tonight.. NITES PEEPS~ SWEET DREAMS!!
:)
pense à vous
i love you like i always do.11:46 PM.
le ciel interdit
[heaven forbids]
spent the whole night thinking about the previous night. not funny.
anyway, not gonna go in depth to it.
so.. saturday..saturday..
i ignored azz's call and texts the whole day ever since the moment he called donald "duck"..
i met up with buddy.c to smk (sibeh buay paiseh de buddy.. make me wait 30mins under his blk.. tsk!)
caught detective dee with gf.b (she insisted on the treat so.. NEXT ONE'S ON ME!!)
i finished my first pack tis evening..
not much of a feeling already..
cuz of everything that's been burning on me there and then..
it's like as if i was a young bird there trying to fly but because heaven forbids,
i hurt my wing by the branch of a tree.. only to learn how to get by the time feeling empty.
i'm numb now..
disappointed towards a friend's act to spill the beans just because he's not the beans.
confused and sad about the hope that couldn't get to my father above..
life, is just so full of everything.
[heaven forbids]
spent the whole night thinking about the previous night. not funny.
anyway, not gonna go in depth to it.
so.. saturday..saturday..
i ignored azz's call and texts the whole day ever since the moment he called donald "duck"..
i met up with buddy.c to smk (sibeh buay paiseh de buddy.. make me wait 30mins under his blk.. tsk!)
caught detective dee with gf.b (she insisted on the treat so.. NEXT ONE'S ON ME!!)
i finished my first pack tis evening..
not much of a feeling already..
cuz of everything that's been burning on me there and then..
it's like as if i was a young bird there trying to fly but because heaven forbids,
i hurt my wing by the branch of a tree.. only to learn how to get by the time feeling empty.
i'm numb now..
disappointed towards a friend's act to spill the beans just because he's not the beans.
confused and sad about the hope that couldn't get to my father above..
life, is just so full of everything.
i love you like i always do.3:59 AM.
Saturday, October 16
tu me manques
i cried my shits out last night.. in the middle of the night, just because of that man.
i don't know why i had feelings for you - maybe it was just meant to feel this way?
i don't know how i ended up so scared.. and everything seems like a dead end..
even till now, i still feel like crying..
i got drunk last night, i cried like shit, told myself not to vomit..
and now the vomit's still trying to come out..
gosh..
i need a hug now..
but..
will that happen again..?
am i gonna get hurt after that..?
i shouldn't..
maybe after some time, it'll go away..
=,(
i cried my shits out last night.. in the middle of the night, just because of that man.
i don't know why i had feelings for you - maybe it was just meant to feel this way?
i don't know how i ended up so scared.. and everything seems like a dead end..
even till now, i still feel like crying..
i got drunk last night, i cried like shit, told myself not to vomit..
and now the vomit's still trying to come out..
gosh..
i need a hug now..
but..
will that happen again..?
am i gonna get hurt after that..?
i shouldn't..
maybe after some time, it'll go away..
=,(
i love you like i always do.1:01 PM.
Thursday, October 14
1st data acquisition and sensor lesson..
and today's reflection journal is classic : Extension to today's lab experiment, propose a type of sensor that will stop the motor when it reach the limits (the maximum and minimum), briefly explain its operation
some smart ass decided that he'll screw us up on first lesson.. and so he did. he came up with sucha brilliant answer. he better be able to tell us the answer next lesson, or...... rwarr!!
lesson today was as usual, stressful. alot of theory, totally dry.
dun feel like blogging today, kinda empty.. oh yea!! bought my first set of bonbons, and i had 9 of it today.. totally bad.. how to cut down eh? =|
duno why but i dun feel like cutting down yet.. just like drinking.
edit : i didn't eat meat at all today.. just peanut waffle and vege, mushroom and rice. in fact, ytd was just vegeterian and a palm size of chicken through the whole day, the day before was maggi with vegeterian dishes.. :)
and today's reflection journal is classic : Extension to today's lab experiment, propose a type of sensor that will stop the motor when it reach the limits (the maximum and minimum), briefly explain its operation
some smart ass decided that he'll screw us up on first lesson.. and so he did. he came up with sucha brilliant answer. he better be able to tell us the answer next lesson, or...... rwarr!!
lesson today was as usual, stressful. alot of theory, totally dry.
dun feel like blogging today, kinda empty.. oh yea!! bought my first set of bonbons, and i had 9 of it today.. totally bad.. how to cut down eh? =|
duno why but i dun feel like cutting down yet.. just like drinking.
edit : i didn't eat meat at all today.. just peanut waffle and vege, mushroom and rice. in fact, ytd was just vegeterian and a palm size of chicken through the whole day, the day before was maggi with vegeterian dishes.. :)
i love you like i always do.11:38 PM.
Wednesday, October 13
Que faire si
i tried slping, but it's of no use. each time i close my eyes, i can't help but to think of the times you were mine. i can no longer tell why i'm so sad..
was it because of how you cheated on me? was i that bad? did i do something wrong? why..?
the endless string of thoughts i couldn't get rid of..
my guidebook tells me girls should be a mental challenge and self-loving instead of loving her man too much to keep giving in. but then again, ain't that what all do when we bump into someone we truly love? we give it all just to make that person happy.. yet if they don't feel the same, we'll only get hurt.
someone once told me i had to stop being so stupid. i did.. for a few wks.. and then i fell for someone foolishly all over again, thinking it's not the same. and i only keep saying the same thing "i won't be so stupid again.." but the definition about love is that it's blind right? so why are we so uptight?
i have so much to cry about. my aunty called me up this afternoon, right at the point of time i'm emo-ing. she just kept wacking me with pressure to sort out the financial assistance stuff.. i just.. i just needed a little time for myself to accept the truth..
=,(
what would it be like if we really got together?
i tried slping, but it's of no use. each time i close my eyes, i can't help but to think of the times you were mine. i can no longer tell why i'm so sad..
was it because of how you cheated on me? was i that bad? did i do something wrong? why..?
the endless string of thoughts i couldn't get rid of..
my guidebook tells me girls should be a mental challenge and self-loving instead of loving her man too much to keep giving in. but then again, ain't that what all do when we bump into someone we truly love? we give it all just to make that person happy.. yet if they don't feel the same, we'll only get hurt.
someone once told me i had to stop being so stupid. i did.. for a few wks.. and then i fell for someone foolishly all over again, thinking it's not the same. and i only keep saying the same thing "i won't be so stupid again.." but the definition about love is that it's blind right? so why are we so uptight?
i have so much to cry about. my aunty called me up this afternoon, right at the point of time i'm emo-ing. she just kept wacking me with pressure to sort out the financial assistance stuff.. i just.. i just needed a little time for myself to accept the truth..
=,(
what would it be like if we really got together?
i love you like i always do.11:47 PM.
skol reopen : day 1
as i've promised, i'm going to be nerd, study hard and be a good student. so today i did my specs look, pay attention in class.. the only problem was the z-monsters. THEY PULLED MY EYELID CLOSE!! >.<
super unlucky this morning.. let's see what happened..
1) just when i got to the void deck, it started pouring.
2) when i want to dash across the car park, my mother called to ask about the windows, and upon picking up, my phone was alil showered.
3) because of the call, i was a lil slower and missed a bus.
4) because i missed the bus, i put my lappy on the ground, perpendicular, so that i could do my stuff - reply texts, tidy my hair, listen to music.. and i missed another bus.
5) i got on the 3rd bus but when i carried my lappy close to me, my tee was wet - because there was a stream of water flowing towards my lappy.. thankfully it wasn't damaged.
6) when i met my friend, i went up the escalator to look for her, but she came downwards.
7) i went to boots and shoes to buy a small item so that i could ask for a plastic bag and everything went well until i came outta the shop and saw my friend and decided we'll walk to school - and hence my shoes and socks were soaked.
8) then during lesson, i kept dozing off - one of the time, i jerked very violently and woke up.
9) i didn't get to eat subway cuz i didn't bring my student pass with me when i left class - i've been craving for subway the whole morning!!
10) last minute received a text that i have to stay back for project meeting - not knowing till what time it would drag.. :(
11) lesson ended 30mins late.
12) uber stressed yet couldn't get bonbons - luckily Lawrence say he'll kup with me to buy ibonbons :D
watched majong after that.. then rushed home to rush my assignments. super tired and not feeling well.. i hope i get well tomorrow.. otherwise, i'll be doing bonbons early in the morning!! x________x
no matter how much i miss you, how much i thought we would work out, things' just aren't the same anymore..
as i've promised, i'm going to be nerd, study hard and be a good student. so today i did my specs look, pay attention in class.. the only problem was the z-monsters. THEY PULLED MY EYELID CLOSE!! >.<
super unlucky this morning.. let's see what happened..
1) just when i got to the void deck, it started pouring.
2) when i want to dash across the car park, my mother called to ask about the windows, and upon picking up, my phone was alil showered.
3) because of the call, i was a lil slower and missed a bus.
4) because i missed the bus, i put my lappy on the ground, perpendicular, so that i could do my stuff - reply texts, tidy my hair, listen to music.. and i missed another bus.
5) i got on the 3rd bus but when i carried my lappy close to me, my tee was wet - because there was a stream of water flowing towards my lappy.. thankfully it wasn't damaged.
6) when i met my friend, i went up the escalator to look for her, but she came downwards.
7) i went to boots and shoes to buy a small item so that i could ask for a plastic bag and everything went well until i came outta the shop and saw my friend and decided we'll walk to school - and hence my shoes and socks were soaked.
8) then during lesson, i kept dozing off - one of the time, i jerked very violently and woke up.
9) i didn't get to eat subway cuz i didn't bring my student pass with me when i left class - i've been craving for subway the whole morning!!
10) last minute received a text that i have to stay back for project meeting - not knowing till what time it would drag.. :(
11) lesson ended 30mins late.
12) uber stressed yet couldn't get bonbons - luckily Lawrence say he'll kup with me to buy ibonbons :D
watched majong after that.. then rushed home to rush my assignments. super tired and not feeling well.. i hope i get well tomorrow.. otherwise, i'll be doing bonbons early in the morning!! x________x
no matter how much i miss you, how much i thought we would work out, things' just aren't the same anymore..
i love you like i always do.12:50 AM.
Monday, October 11
pressure has a hit on me, but i think i'll pass..
update on my rs : i spent the whole night crying for that piece of shit that cheated on me. though we weren't officially together cuz of the small tiffs and useless tugs, he claimed that he loved me, and too, i had feelings for him too. on the other hand, whenever he said he had to "report" to his mother, he was busy contacting another girl. too bad i was stupid enough to wait for him, cried and trusted him. my bad.
update on my family probs : if my dad really wants to migrate, i'll just take it as he's going on a holiday. if i knew he'd be so heartbroken about my mother remarry-ing, i swear i'd screw it up. all i can do now is hope i passed all my results and do well for the upcoming semester. i'm already prepared to nerd my ass to fire!! RWARR!!
update on my emotions : been kinda stressed lately.. met up with sot plug buddy, peiyi, huixian, donald, azz, weijie, james.. well, what more could i ask for? those who were available had been there for me already. i'm a happy girl with them around~ mwarks!! hahas.. still, there are many faces i wanna see, hearts i wanna hear. even if you can't be there for me, let me be there for you ok? just ring me up anytime, any day.. i'll listen as much as i can. mark my words.
each day i wonder what my heart looks like, how it's feeling.. but because of the strong waves that keeps hitting on me, i can't even hear it wail.. please be strong. i need you..
update on my rs : i spent the whole night crying for that piece of shit that cheated on me. though we weren't officially together cuz of the small tiffs and useless tugs, he claimed that he loved me, and too, i had feelings for him too. on the other hand, whenever he said he had to "report" to his mother, he was busy contacting another girl. too bad i was stupid enough to wait for him, cried and trusted him. my bad.
update on my family probs : if my dad really wants to migrate, i'll just take it as he's going on a holiday. if i knew he'd be so heartbroken about my mother remarry-ing, i swear i'd screw it up. all i can do now is hope i passed all my results and do well for the upcoming semester. i'm already prepared to nerd my ass to fire!! RWARR!!
update on my emotions : been kinda stressed lately.. met up with sot plug buddy, peiyi, huixian, donald, azz, weijie, james.. well, what more could i ask for? those who were available had been there for me already. i'm a happy girl with them around~ mwarks!! hahas.. still, there are many faces i wanna see, hearts i wanna hear. even if you can't be there for me, let me be there for you ok? just ring me up anytime, any day.. i'll listen as much as i can. mark my words.
each day i wonder what my heart looks like, how it's feeling.. but because of the strong waves that keeps hitting on me, i can't even hear it wail.. please be strong. i need you..
i love you like i always do.4:56 PM.
amis pour toujours
and i found out the truth!! and so did she!!
though truth is hurtful, but imma happy girl as long as i get to hear the truth.
and friends.. they still are the best i ever had.
that's why i text people randomly at times, just to remind them i'm there..
it kinda defies my "rack-up" principal, but for friends, i'll shed my pride and tears..
cuz i know they're worth more than anything else i could ever find.
buddies or not, as long as you've been there for me once, i'll be there for you always.
love you lots peeps!!
:)
and i found out the truth!! and so did she!!
though truth is hurtful, but imma happy girl as long as i get to hear the truth.
and friends.. they still are the best i ever had.
that's why i text people randomly at times, just to remind them i'm there..
it kinda defies my "rack-up" principal, but for friends, i'll shed my pride and tears..
cuz i know they're worth more than anything else i could ever find.
buddies or not, as long as you've been there for me once, i'll be there for you always.
love you lots peeps!!
:)
i love you like i always do.12:47 AM.
Sunday, October 10
bonne fille
i'm gonna be a goodiie-two-shoo to save up each and every cent i can get hold of (besides those spent on bonbons) and then get myself a ZAMM ZAMM GUITAR!! whoo~ so much said eh? gotta start scrimping now.
anyway, i'm intending to go on liquid diet, or perhaps plants only. craving for kimchi now.. kinda starving already.. gahhhhh!!
wadeva it is, have fun eh? i spent my first same shit date, first saturday of my 19yrs old crying and waiting for a shit like this. i'm done being that fool. ain't gonna wait no more. have fun, asshole~
i'm gonna be a goodiie-two-shoo to save up each and every cent i can get hold of (besides those spent on bonbons) and then get myself a ZAMM ZAMM GUITAR!! whoo~ so much said eh? gotta start scrimping now.
anyway, i'm intending to go on liquid diet, or perhaps plants only. craving for kimchi now.. kinda starving already.. gahhhhh!!
wadeva it is, have fun eh? i spent my first same shit date, first saturday of my 19yrs old crying and waiting for a shit like this. i'm done being that fool. ain't gonna wait no more. have fun, asshole~
i love you like i always do.4:37 PM.
Saturday, October 9
i can't wrap a story book properly.
i can't keep the person i love..
i can't always keep my room tidy..
i am not always on time..
but i'm still your child aren't i?
=,(
i can't keep the person i love..
i can't always keep my room tidy..
i am not always on time..
but i'm still your child aren't i?
=,(
i love you like i always do.6:43 PM.
pressured beyond my limits.
i'm really on the verge of giving it all up. nobody can help anymore. if you know me, just think along the situations i've been through - those would be the solutions i can think of.
my mother just can't stop stressing me with money. now, i'm often left alone with my thoughts with nobody to blurt to and i can't contain that. i want to study now, not work!! i will study from monday to friday so can you stop nagging at me for relaxing on my weekends and not studying for just that two days?
my aunty spreads the word to my mother - my father is going to get retrenched and he'll be migrating. the conclusion my mother sets to this is that for the rest of these years if i want pocket money, i'll have to get from her hubby. "if you want pocket money, you'll have to get from uncle" what the heck is this supposed to mean? havn't i told you that you should be the one who settles my pocket money, simply because you're the one who made me study this course? and about father migrating, doesn't that mean that he would be pushing his responsibility of paying my school fees and hence leaving me in a huge lump sum of debt to pay? can somebody remind him about the agreement we had? - as long as i have a place to study in poly, he'll pay all my school fees.
liars, that's what they are. they say one thing and they do another. they never mean what they say. ever.
don't worry, i'll see how i can survive with this. don't worry, just leave. go as far as you can and never come back. leave as soon as you can while i can still take it cuz once you leave, i'll never want to see you again - needless to say acknowledge you.
spare me your excuses.
i'm really on the verge of giving it all up. nobody can help anymore. if you know me, just think along the situations i've been through - those would be the solutions i can think of.
my mother just can't stop stressing me with money. now, i'm often left alone with my thoughts with nobody to blurt to and i can't contain that. i want to study now, not work!! i will study from monday to friday so can you stop nagging at me for relaxing on my weekends and not studying for just that two days?
my aunty spreads the word to my mother - my father is going to get retrenched and he'll be migrating. the conclusion my mother sets to this is that for the rest of these years if i want pocket money, i'll have to get from her hubby. "if you want pocket money, you'll have to get from uncle" what the heck is this supposed to mean? havn't i told you that you should be the one who settles my pocket money, simply because you're the one who made me study this course? and about father migrating, doesn't that mean that he would be pushing his responsibility of paying my school fees and hence leaving me in a huge lump sum of debt to pay? can somebody remind him about the agreement we had? - as long as i have a place to study in poly, he'll pay all my school fees.
liars, that's what they are. they say one thing and they do another. they never mean what they say. ever.
don't worry, i'll see how i can survive with this. don't worry, just leave. go as far as you can and never come back. leave as soon as you can while i can still take it cuz once you leave, i'll never want to see you again - needless to say acknowledge you.
spare me your excuses.
i love you like i always do.6:03 PM.
Je t'aime ma chérie
went to suntec to submit my time sheet at abt 1500+. it was surely a long walk from City Hall mrt to the bunch of Suntec Towers.. took me about 10mins?? after that i went to Jurong Point at about 1600+ to get notebooks and pouch for my stationaries. and the incident at the cashier was like.. "uhh.. wadeva~" anyway, i was all alone throughout the whole trip. it was fine cuz i had people texting me all the time. thanks peeps!! love ya~
:D
if only there was a monster that eats insecurities, or maybe an animal? i'll definitely keep it as my pet!! and it'll definitely be really blessed cuz i have lotsa insecurities to feed it with. regale-vou!!
he called me back knowing i had doubts and worries. he's not the kinda guy you say is like as a majority. he's the minority that's different. we're gonna last. we will.
:)
ton amour est tout ce que j'ai besoin
went to suntec to submit my time sheet at abt 1500+. it was surely a long walk from City Hall mrt to the bunch of Suntec Towers.. took me about 10mins?? after that i went to Jurong Point at about 1600+ to get notebooks and pouch for my stationaries. and the incident at the cashier was like.. "uhh.. wadeva~" anyway, i was all alone throughout the whole trip. it was fine cuz i had people texting me all the time. thanks peeps!! love ya~
:D
if only there was a monster that eats insecurities, or maybe an animal? i'll definitely keep it as my pet!! and it'll definitely be really blessed cuz i have lotsa insecurities to feed it with. regale-vou!!
he called me back knowing i had doubts and worries. he's not the kinda guy you say is like as a majority. he's the minority that's different. we're gonna last. we will.
:)
ton amour est tout ce que j'ai besoin
i love you like i always do.1:31 AM.
Friday, October 8
got breast no brain.
i went popular to buy notebooks today and while paying at the cashiers, the aunty cashiering my items went over to whisper something to the next cashier, and that aunty stared at my breasts and then smiled and nodded to the aunty at my counter. tsk.. i have breast and brain ok!!
=.=
i love you like i always do.7:36 PM.
you're gonna catch if i fall
been spamming insecure smses to my boy cuz ever since he booked in on sunday evening, monday was fine, tuesday was still bearable but on wednesday.. on wednesday i received only 5 text messages from him throughout the whole day!! i was like.. are you seriously so busy? then the following day went on without any shit.. so when i got home, i laid on my bed and kept thinking.. is it possible? i tried calling and it got through!! i was so happy until my calls weren't picked up for more than 5times.. on the 11th call, he answered.
things were really bad for him. he's having a really hard time adapting to the life in there, yet the authorities were picking on him. he just kept going on and on about feelings really lousy and not having the mood to talk. then he paused, and replied me verbally on the insane messages i've sent him, saying i still treat you as my girlfriend and i'm really happy to have you. please don't anyhow think right now ok? i'm trying my best now but i need more time. tomorrow i can't book out, only on saturday.. but i don't even know the time. i'll meet you on saturday ok? or sunday..? then i blurted monday.. and he continued monday you starting school is it? and i sniffed and said tuesday. he knew i cried and immediately asked and comforted me. he knew.. he just had to handle himself too before he could get the right mood and chance to handle me.
life, as i know, is getting more and more stressed up. i don't get to hear from him often, and i might not be able to even see him. this is the time i have to discipline myself and not stray into someone else's arms.
i'm stressed about what i should prepare for the upcoming school semester. stationaries? notebooks? lecture pads? sticky post its? a bigger pencil case? a new bag?
i don't have the cash for it and i was thinking if i should pick it from my mother or father but when i text my mother about the furnitures for my room, she was screwed up enough to not reply me, and only acknowledge the message when i asked her verbally. just what am i go her? someone for her to complain and seek advice from when she has problems about her hubby, someone whose diet she doesn't even care about, someone insignificant in her heart?
i saw her.. hugging the man of her life and just ignoring what i brought up.. she totally disgust me.
i'll never understand what should kinship feel like.
been spamming insecure smses to my boy cuz ever since he booked in on sunday evening, monday was fine, tuesday was still bearable but on wednesday.. on wednesday i received only 5 text messages from him throughout the whole day!! i was like.. are you seriously so busy? then the following day went on without any shit.. so when i got home, i laid on my bed and kept thinking.. is it possible? i tried calling and it got through!! i was so happy until my calls weren't picked up for more than 5times.. on the 11th call, he answered.
things were really bad for him. he's having a really hard time adapting to the life in there, yet the authorities were picking on him. he just kept going on and on about feelings really lousy and not having the mood to talk. then he paused, and replied me verbally on the insane messages i've sent him, saying i still treat you as my girlfriend and i'm really happy to have you. please don't anyhow think right now ok? i'm trying my best now but i need more time. tomorrow i can't book out, only on saturday.. but i don't even know the time. i'll meet you on saturday ok? or sunday..? then i blurted monday.. and he continued monday you starting school is it? and i sniffed and said tuesday. he knew i cried and immediately asked and comforted me. he knew.. he just had to handle himself too before he could get the right mood and chance to handle me.
life, as i know, is getting more and more stressed up. i don't get to hear from him often, and i might not be able to even see him. this is the time i have to discipline myself and not stray into someone else's arms.
i'm stressed about what i should prepare for the upcoming school semester. stationaries? notebooks? lecture pads? sticky post its? a bigger pencil case? a new bag?
i don't have the cash for it and i was thinking if i should pick it from my mother or father but when i text my mother about the furnitures for my room, she was screwed up enough to not reply me, and only acknowledge the message when i asked her verbally. just what am i go her? someone for her to complain and seek advice from when she has problems about her hubby, someone whose diet she doesn't even care about, someone insignificant in her heart?
i saw her.. hugging the man of her life and just ignoring what i brought up.. she totally disgust me.
i'll never understand what should kinship feel like.
i love you like i always do.1:50 AM.
Wednesday, October 6
you make me love again.
it's your gentleness and sincerity that makes me spare it all.
after being dropped for so many times, bumped outta position and even torn apart umpteen times, i thought i've lost faith and will not be able to find someone true till i have a stabilized life but boy.. i'm surprised.
http://mag.weddingcentral.com.au/music/songs/love-songs.htm#ClassicLoveSongs
i don't know what i can say besides how i think of you every night, how i couldn't sleep well without hearing your voice.. it sounds and seems like a fantasy but boy it's all true.
i know right now, everything's cramping in and we're both feeling very awfully especially you but please hang in there alright? if you need anything, just call me.. i promise i'll leave everything aside just to attend to you even if i have only 10seconds to spare. please just don't bear it all alone..
not sure if you'll ever read this page but i really cherish you..
it's your gentleness and sincerity that makes me spare it all.
after being dropped for so many times, bumped outta position and even torn apart umpteen times, i thought i've lost faith and will not be able to find someone true till i have a stabilized life but boy.. i'm surprised.
http://mag.weddingcentral.com.au/music/songs/love-songs.htm#ClassicLoveSongs
i don't know what i can say besides how i think of you every night, how i couldn't sleep well without hearing your voice.. it sounds and seems like a fantasy but boy it's all true.
i know right now, everything's cramping in and we're both feeling very awfully especially you but please hang in there alright? if you need anything, just call me.. i promise i'll leave everything aside just to attend to you even if i have only 10seconds to spare. please just don't bear it all alone..
not sure if you'll ever read this page but i really cherish you..
i love you like i always do.1:16 AM.
Tuesday, October 5
4th oct :
met up with peiyi and azz at jp at 1600,
shopped arnd till abt 2100,
then bus home.
* i'm aiming the cashbook and planner, things i could get to learnt to organize myself.
5th oct :
chatted for 8mins 24sec with botak,
majong-ed with peiyi, azz and aunty lily,
went to popular to get a stationaries for upcoming semester.
* just when i thought i could never cry again, i did..
met up with peiyi and azz at jp at 1600,
shopped arnd till abt 2100,
then bus home.
* i'm aiming the cashbook and planner, things i could get to learnt to organize myself.
5th oct :
chatted for 8mins 24sec with botak,
majong-ed with peiyi, azz and aunty lily,
went to popular to get a stationaries for upcoming semester.
* just when i thought i could never cry again, i did..
i love you like i always do.11:59 PM.
Sunday, October 3
it's obvious.
i went for Sun's bbq!! did alot of cooking and charcoal-ing, and kinda forgot i was hungry.. hahas.. it was fun and fulfilling though.. to be able to make not-so-bad cooked food. made a handful of new friends and i through out the whole time, i realize i was thinking about this "this is really a good way to spend my saturday night as compared to clubbing plus ... "
=)
well, i feel that he doesn't care about me, and doesn't he miss me either. it's all coming from his actions, all obvious enough. hais.. uber disappointed. i guess one day, i'm just gonna get shoot with "wah lau!! you got so many ex liaos.. so old liaos.. yet still so stupid in a relationship!!"
=(
i went for Sun's bbq!! did alot of cooking and charcoal-ing, and kinda forgot i was hungry.. hahas.. it was fun and fulfilling though.. to be able to make not-so-bad cooked food. made a handful of new friends and i through out the whole time, i realize i was thinking about this "this is really a good way to spend my saturday night as compared to clubbing plus ... "
=)
well, i feel that he doesn't care about me, and doesn't he miss me either. it's all coming from his actions, all obvious enough. hais.. uber disappointed. i guess one day, i'm just gonna get shoot with "wah lau!! you got so many ex liaos.. so old liaos.. yet still so stupid in a relationship!!"
=(
i love you like i always do.3:26 AM.
Saturday, October 2
patience and faith.
well, this is what i lack. i lack faith to believe, i lack patience to wait till i see what's going on.
but then again, on the other hand, i need more luck cuz i havn't been able to see what i wanna see, and things have just been going haywire before it finally shines some good stuff from above.
nonetheless, im going for Sun's bbq later!! actually meeting Tiramisu to get her stuff, and also get Sun's present, but Tiramisu had a change of mind when i asked if Kelvin can tag along (cuz we're both friends of Sun), so....... yep, will be heading to bugis later on. :)
last night was the second time i stepped in here.. still not used to it though. and im sorry i didn't talk to your mother this morning, but i really don't prefer talking when i didn't brush my teeth baby, on top of the fact that i don't know which toothbrush belongs to you.. hmms.. there's alot of things i wish i could do with you.. and im really impatient sometimes, which ends me up in insecurity.. sorry.. but i'd still hope you'd be able to see thru that.. :p see you soon alright?
to fb : pls stop pranking on me.. cuz this time, im serious about everything.
well, this is what i lack. i lack faith to believe, i lack patience to wait till i see what's going on.
but then again, on the other hand, i need more luck cuz i havn't been able to see what i wanna see, and things have just been going haywire before it finally shines some good stuff from above.
nonetheless, im going for Sun's bbq later!! actually meeting Tiramisu to get her stuff, and also get Sun's present, but Tiramisu had a change of mind when i asked if Kelvin can tag along (cuz we're both friends of Sun), so....... yep, will be heading to bugis later on. :)
last night was the second time i stepped in here.. still not used to it though. and im sorry i didn't talk to your mother this morning, but i really don't prefer talking when i didn't brush my teeth baby, on top of the fact that i don't know which toothbrush belongs to you.. hmms.. there's alot of things i wish i could do with you.. and im really impatient sometimes, which ends me up in insecurity.. sorry.. but i'd still hope you'd be able to see thru that.. :p see you soon alright?
to fb : pls stop pranking on me.. cuz this time, im serious about everything.
i love you like i always do.11:58 AM.
Friday, October 1
once upon a time..
if the bed's stiff, you can put heavy stuff on it..
if the fan isn't working, you can imagine there's ice cream!!
if the training's been touch like shit, you can always grumble when you dream..
if the night's too lonely, you know there's 8 numbers to me~
i duno if you feel as much as i feel, or even about the same but i just want you to know..
i wanna have you real close even tho i'm reali short to you, we're not stead yet, n i'm still afraid of rs.. but somehow i now i wan you.. because i cried alot when i was forcing myself to get over you..
and i'd wanna tell you those three words even if sayin it wun change any bit about ur feelings towards me..
+sorry it took me a night ti finish writing.. cuz i kept dozing off.. i love you.. :x
if the bed's stiff, you can put heavy stuff on it..
if the fan isn't working, you can imagine there's ice cream!!
if the training's been touch like shit, you can always grumble when you dream..
if the night's too lonely, you know there's 8 numbers to me~
i duno if you feel as much as i feel, or even about the same but i just want you to know..
i wanna have you real close even tho i'm reali short to you, we're not stead yet, n i'm still afraid of rs.. but somehow i now i wan you.. because i cried alot when i was forcing myself to get over you..
and i'd wanna tell you those three words even if sayin it wun change any bit about ur feelings towards me..
+sorry it took me a night ti finish writing.. cuz i kept dozing off.. i love you.. :x
i love you like i always do.8:17 PM.
im not hungry anymore.. can somebody just take away my stomach? and take away my eyes since they've got nothing better to do than to just keep crying..
but then again, if you can, take my life.. i had enough of all these bullshits..
but then again, if you can, take my life.. i had enough of all these bullshits..
i love you like i always do.7:54 PM.
你好笨哦！！
怎么有空等了呢？
你不是已经伤过，只错了吗？
怎么又哭了呢？
傻瓜。。不要哭了。。就。。当作这一切都没发生过咯。。
不要想了噢。。
怎么有空等了呢？
你不是已经伤过，只错了吗？
怎么又哭了呢？
傻瓜。。不要哭了。。就。。当作这一切都没发生过咯。。
不要想了噢。。
i love you like i always do.7:39 PM.
when i defend you from my provocative thoughts..
i miss you more than you miss me..
do you actually miss me more than i miss you? like.. maybe that's why text me whenever you're free?
you text me whenever you're free..
are those actually your free times or do you have more, and you chose to spend it with others instead?
i send you sweet text messages but you've never wrote any back..
is it because you're too busy and tired? have you ever thought of writing any for me? cuz i've heard you saying you've wrote for your ex and im, so far, the only gal who write for you.. but why aren't you making an effort to write for me?
you wanna quit clubbing, but you'd go if i wanna go or if your friends ask you to, you just might..
it depends on your mood and how tired you are right? training is tough but sometimes you just feel like drinking.. plus, if im going, you'd probably feel better cuz you can see me right?
but..
if i ask you to stop clubbing, not go, quit wanting to go out to drink unless it's some occasions, would you?
if i ask you to stay home with me instead of going out when you're out, would you?
would you feel bored if i ask you to change this much?
when i think of you, alot of my insecurity is at rest, but the very superficial problems remain and i doubt i can change you, or even anywhere near that.. that's why i'd rather keep quiet.. and fight those insecurities alone.
i miss you more than you miss me..
do you actually miss me more than i miss you? like.. maybe that's why text me whenever you're free?
you text me whenever you're free..
are those actually your free times or do you have more, and you chose to spend it with others instead?
i send you sweet text messages but you've never wrote any back..
is it because you're too busy and tired? have you ever thought of writing any for me? cuz i've heard you saying you've wrote for your ex and im, so far, the only gal who write for you.. but why aren't you making an effort to write for me?
you wanna quit clubbing, but you'd go if i wanna go or if your friends ask you to, you just might..
it depends on your mood and how tired you are right? training is tough but sometimes you just feel like drinking.. plus, if im going, you'd probably feel better cuz you can see me right?
but..
if i ask you to stop clubbing, not go, quit wanting to go out to drink unless it's some occasions, would you?
if i ask you to stay home with me instead of going out when you're out, would you?
would you feel bored if i ask you to change this much?
when i think of you, alot of my insecurity is at rest, but the very superficial problems remain and i doubt i can change you, or even anywhere near that.. that's why i'd rather keep quiet.. and fight those insecurities alone.
i love you like i always do.6:14 PM.
i wonder if you know how i feel..
i wanna be that woman you cuddle with in the living room, enjoying the tv show with and then sleeping together with, instead of the girl you dance with at the club..
i wanna be the one you text the moment you wake up, and the one you call to chat till you fall asleep, not forgetting the goodnight kisses.
but i don't quite know what couples our age do cuz the kind of relationship i've been having, was more of the "be good and stay home" kinda relationship.
i don't quite know what kind of relationship you expect to have with me, a club-whenever-you're-free or stay-home-tv-and-cuddle together type. i yearn for the latter because that's something i feel warmth from.. not the other..
i have a feeling you wanna have fun because the life in there sucks big time..
pls.. forgive me for being so insecure.. i feel so afraid of my feelings right now i can hardly be myself.. i wanna give you my all, but on the other hand, each time my mind is empty and i can't stop thinking if you've got someone else, i just feel so stupid i don't wanna do this anymore..
i don't feel that great now.. no confidence no nothing.. i feel absolutely useless and ugly..
how do i trust when i think so lowly of myself?
:(
i wanna be that woman you cuddle with in the living room, enjoying the tv show with and then sleeping together with, instead of the girl you dance with at the club..
i wanna be the one you text the moment you wake up, and the one you call to chat till you fall asleep, not forgetting the goodnight kisses.
but i don't quite know what couples our age do cuz the kind of relationship i've been having, was more of the "be good and stay home" kinda relationship.
i don't quite know what kind of relationship you expect to have with me, a club-whenever-you're-free or stay-home-tv-and-cuddle together type. i yearn for the latter because that's something i feel warmth from.. not the other..
i have a feeling you wanna have fun because the life in there sucks big time..
pls.. forgive me for being so insecure.. i feel so afraid of my feelings right now i can hardly be myself.. i wanna give you my all, but on the other hand, each time my mind is empty and i can't stop thinking if you've got someone else, i just feel so stupid i don't wanna do this anymore..
i don't feel that great now.. no confidence no nothing.. i feel absolutely useless and ugly..
how do i trust when i think so lowly of myself?
:(
i love you like i always do.5:55 PM.
